“Can We Talk?”
In my 40 years of existence, I’ve never known a man who liked hearing this question.
They all literally shrink down in their couch, hoping they are invisible, or try to run for their life with some excuse (“I forgot something important at work, I’ll be right back”)
Do you wish you could get your husband to talk to you more – about his thoughts, his feelings, or just about his day?
Do you feel that you’re talking to a brick wall? That your husband has become impenetrable and nothing you do seems to work?
It’s emotional abandonment. Instead of physically leaving the relationship, your spouse simply checks out emotionally.
He stopped communicating; leaving you feeling detached and unwanted.
But worry not. Please. Every problem can be fixed, and you CAN get your husband to talk to again, open up to you and share his deepest emotions openly with you – By the end of the week.
Your husband does have the god given ability to talk, when he feels comfortable doing so.
Today I’ll share 4 possible reasons your husband doesn’t talk to you, and how they can easily be “fixed” so you’ll get back to being the best friends you used to be.
4 Possible Reasons You Can’t Get Your Husband to Talk to You
I know that the title above suggests that it’s your fault.
But it’s definitely NOT.
You haven’t done anything wrong and your heart is filled with good intentions and love, but sometimes we women forget that men communicate differently than us.
Here are the possible reasons your husband is not talking to you:
1. “Yes, Dear”
Sometimes your husband may not open up because he wants to avoid a fight. He does have things to say, but he doesn’t say them because he has learned that saying “Yes, dear” avoids a fight.
Do you think that maybe you don’t like it when he has an opinion that’s different from yours?
Even if you don’t say it, do you think that he can see it on your face?
Unbelievably, most men would rather have a short fight about why they don’t talk, than a long fight about anything else.
In this case his silence is a defense mechanism.
Think about how you respond when he disagrees with you: Do you try to persuade him to see it your way? Is it important to you to be right?
The Easy Fix
Tell your husband that you want to hear his opinion, especially when it’s different from yours. Listen without arguing and tell him that you respect and accept the way he feels about the subject.
This will make him feel safe, accepted and respected. He will quickly start talking to you and opening up to you like never before.
2. Mind Reading
The longer you two are together, the more both of you fall victim to the mind reading game.
Do you feel that you know what he is going to say and find yourself finishing his sentences for him?
My husband told me that I interrupt him all the time. That he didn’t talk because I wouldn’t let him finish a sentence.
It’s true; I assumed I knew what he is going to say, 90% of the time. But this habit of talking for out spouse is a big no-no in a healthy marriage.
Even if your mind reading talent correctly predicts 70% of his comments, you’ll still be wrong 30% of the time. Such a loss of new thoughts and feelings. Plus, it’s a monologue instead of a dialogue.
The Easy Fix
A conversation requires a give-and-take between two people. Try to be alert for possible verbal hijacking and avoid at all cost. Listen to him without interrupting, no matter how hard it may seem.
You will find that your moments of silence are now filled with his words – ones that you would not have predicted.
3. Not Interested
It’s something we never think about, but sometimes our spouse doesn’t talk because the he is simply not interested in the topic.
I know. You feel that he is (supposed to be) your best friend. Someone you can talk to about anything.
But how interested can he be about the latest beauty products you wish you had? Or in the 10 minute conversation you had with your mother on the phone?
Men tend to tune out when they feel that the topic has nothing to do with them. Women too, by the way…
I’ll be brutally honest here: There are times when your spouse simply doesn’t care about the topic you’re sharing with him. Taking it personally is a huge waste of time and negative emotions.
The Easy Fix
When you communicate with your husband, try to avoid focusing on minor details about general things that don’t affect him or your relationship.
4. Emotionally Unavailable
If your husband seems to constantly push you away, doesn’t want to spend time with you, prefers to be with his friends and is not interested in physical intimacy – You may be dealing with an emotionally unavailable husband.
No touching, no talking, no kissing, no friendship. It feels like you’re alone in this marriage.
The Full Proof Way to Make Him Open Up – Fast
1. The Full Proof Method
Here’s a surefire way to make your husband open up and talk to you:
I’m not saying you should sleep with him to get him to talk…Nope.
I’m saying use the time between the sheets, after making love, to have a heart to heart conversation.
But if you want this to work in the long run, start with only talking about casual, every day stuff that everyone likes to talk about.
A few examples are: Positive comments about your children, general affirmations (noting the nice things he has done the past week), TV shows that you like to watch together).
When you feel that he has opened up and started talking to you, you can go deeper – for the important issues you want to discuss with him – including your relationship.
2. Give Him Time
Don’t be alarmed by awkward silences. Give him the time and space to walk through his thoughts, rather than pushing him to answer your questions right away.
3. Use Activities
I’ve learned that men talk as a result of an activity, whereas women see talking as the activity itself.
Have you noticed how he tends to talk (to you) more during a night out with another couple? Or while taking a nice walk together?
Try talking with your husband when the two of you are doing an activity together that you both enjoy, you’ll be reminded of how much easier the conversation can become just by doing something together.
4. Ask the Right Questions
Asking your husband a few general questions about things he loves to talk about, is a great way to make him open up to you and share his feeling with you – About everything else as well.
Here are a few questions that will make him open up to you (and smile!):
1. What is the most fulfilling aspect of your job? (Men like talking about what they know or do best).
2. Who is the one person you admire most and why? (Men like to talk about their core values).
3. Growing up, who has made you feel most loved?… Why?
4. What would you most like to be remembered for? (Men find their legacies important)
5. If you spend the rest of your life doing only the things you love, what would they be? (Men like to talk about their dreams and aspirations)
When you want to make your husband talk to you and return to the best friend he used to be, remember:
Listen without judgment, in an honoring attitude, even if you don’t agree with everything he says.
Be patient with so he can process his thoughts before he answers. Focus on understanding instead of winning arguments. Try to accept his thoughts unconditionally.
Blaming your husband for his silence may feel right, but it will get you nowhere. I’ve learned the hard way that I can either be right – Or be smart.
You’ know that you’re making progress when your husband communicates more often during the say, tells you he loves you more, tells you things you never knew about him, and shows his emotions in your presence.
If you feel like he has detached himself more than you can handle – I suggest you take a look at this video, which presents a book that has helped me a great deal in my marriage.
Rooting for ya,
PAID ENDORSEMENT DISCLOSURE: In order for me to support my blogging activities, I may receive monetary compensation or other types of remuneration for my endorsement, recommendation, testimonial and/or link to any products or services from this blog.