Did you ever imagine that some day you will wake up next to a man who seems to hate you?
Your husband. Who used to be so in love with you. Who used to be your best friend.
Do you sometimes feel like you don’t even know who this guy is?
Maybe he is just cold, distant and uninterested. Maybe he even got emotionally and verbally abusive.
“My husband hates me“, you think to yourself. His love is lost forever.
Yet, he doesn’t leave. He stays at home this leaves you in a constantly stressed, feeling invisible, hurt and most of all – alone.
My Husband Hates Me: Is It My Fault? What Can I Do?
If we do a reality check for a second, here are the 3 choices we have in this situation:
1. Give up and accept that your marriage is over. Focus all your energy on becoming financially independent and plan the day you (and your children?) will start a new life without him.
(But what if you can’t support yourself and your children on your own? What if you don’t want your children to suffer from your divorce?)
2. Wait and hope that this will blow over with time – he hates you? Maybe that will change with time. Time heals everything, right? You’ll just hide in the corner and wait for this marriage crisis to blow over.
(But how long can you survive this stress? How long can you take it before it actually makes you ill?)
3. Break down his walls and save your marriage – it may be hard, but trying to solve this, at least once, leaves you with little to lose and much to gain.
If you’re up for option #3, this guide is for you.
Emergency Step #1 – Communication Shift
Have you ever thought that the way you communicate with him contributes to the breakdown in your relationship?
Don’t get angry at me, I’m not blaming you for anything. No way.
I’m not saying you are not doing probably everything around the house and getting no appreciation for it.
I’m not saying you haven’t tried countless times to communicate with him nicely to get him to open up, only to have your opinions and intellect discounted.
But now is not the time to analyze, accuse and focus on who is right. Now’s the time to take action and change the way you communicate, because we can safely say that it’s not working.
4 Communication Styles are most common; Three of Them are a Turn‐Off to a Man, and one is a Turn‐On.
I’ve learned this incredible piece of advice from couples therapist Randy Bennet:
“We all have a way we communicate with others, and it determines how people treat us. If you want to get your man’s positive attention, you first need to understand the different communication styles so you can make a change to improve your interactions.”
The four communication styles are: passive, aggressive, passive‐aggressive, and assertive.
Of the four styles, assertive is the winner.
- He always knows where he stands with you (unlike “passive” where he never knows what you want because you won’t say)
- He has respect for you because you can calmly and firmly state your position (unlike aggressive where you yell, intimidate or are otherwise threatening)
- He’s never confused (unlike passive‐aggressive in which you say one thing but mean another…).
Being assertive means standing up for yourself, but in a respectful way. The next time you speak with your husband, speak from the heart, and clearly state what you mean or want.
If he has again chosen to go out with his friends instead of spending time with you, you may normally react by yelling, hanging up on him, or storming out of the room… or maybe just withdrawing.
Instead, calmly state:
“I am disappointed. I have been looking forward to spending the evening with you for a while. Do you think you could make time for us to go to a movie? And a dinner maybe?”
I think you’ll be amazed by how much he’ll be more likely to compromise – or may even decide that he can forego a night out with his friends.
This is your chance to start dating your husband again. Just go out and have fun, like you used to.
Of course this will not be enough. It’s just one step and a little peace in the puzzle of melting your man’s heart.
Knowing what and how men think, and if the way you communicate with him is wrong, and understanding why he reacts the way he does – are all critical things if you want to turn a husband who “hates you” to a husband who adores you.
And don’t believe anyone who tells you it’s too late. Not even him.
Your husband’s love and respect are hiding under a rock right now. Learn how to push the rock off of him and you’ll be astonished by what you find.
Rooting for ya,
As always, I highly recommend to take this free marriage assessment you can find HERE.