When I found out my husband cheated after 11 years of marriage – I was completely devastated. It wasn’t just the fact that he had slept with another woman; I couldn’t understand how he could say he really loves while cheating on me at the same time.
Isn’t this the essence of contradiction?
So I was left with this question: Can a man cheat and still love you?
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How to Know if He Still Loves You
This question is quite difficult to answer. Only one person can give you a real answer to that question, and that’s your husband. Whether you believe him or not reflects the level of trust in your relationship.
A Few Insights to Help You Find Out Are:
1. What’s Love Got to Do With It
Understand that a cheating man can still love you is nearly impossible. You think that if he loved you he wouldn’t do turn your life into living hell by cheating on you.
But none the less, It’s definitely possible that your husband still loves you despite his infidelity.
Sometimes the love is still there, buried, under years of horrible communication.
It may also be buried under the hurt of emotional outbursts or years of silence.
People get confused. They lose their way. But just because they are lost, it doesn’t necessarily mean they have fallen out of love with you.
So, where do you go from here?
2. The “Magic Pill” Question
This is a question that will help you determine whether your husband still loves you. Ask him this: “If I could give you a magic pill that would make you suddenly fall deeply in love with ME again, would you take it?”
1. If he says YES – This is good news. Your husband probably still has deep feelings for you and he wants to rebuild your relationship. He just doesn’t know how to do it.
2. If he says something like “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”, or he tells you he has to think about it – Take your time to think about your answer to this question as well.
3. If he says “No I wouldn’t take the pill” – Your husband has probably checked out of your relationship, at least mentally. But it could also mean that his feelings are so buried that he is no longer aware of them. In some cases he will realize that he still loves you only when he has to sign the divorce papers.
Are you going to try the magic pill question to know if your husband still loves you?
Rooting for ya,
Lisa
P.S
This is an excellent resource, to help you deal with your husband’s betrayal”. For me it was a life saver and I highly recommend it.
Related Posts
10 Most Important Questions to Ask a Cheating Husband
Should I Give Him Another Chance or Kick Him Out?
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I have tried the question, turned out he didn’t able to answer.. I asked him by text and he said that he was too dizzy and didn’t want to answer right now.. And then I replied with sad emoticon 🙁 just like that and suddenly he replied ok ok, where’s the pill, I’ll take it later.. And then I replied all I want is truth answer, sincerely…
It hurts and its sad that I caught my husband in his midlife crisis cheating on me and his children. The pain lingers.
it is not me the only reason why it happened. Our goals have drifted apart. Failure to provide a house and security. I know him so well but infedility came in his life. He said. He still loves me… and give him last chance to put his family again.
ive made a dicision to forgive him.. and he needed to be honest as I shoukd trust him again.. it will take time.. but we have a vow we made richer or poorer, sickness in health, in goodtimes & in trouble.. till death do us part inf ront of God and our family and friends.
I still love my husband unconditionally .. no matter what. I have to be within to guide him again to the right road and willing to repair our marriage. TRUE LOVE INDEED that I can accept and be sad.. hurtful but True love lingers in me to learn to trust him again.. i know.. lots of trials are still coming on our marriage but hopeful with encouragement we can overcome them.
My man cheated 5 consecutive years with different girls every year,he is still contacting the fifth one,when I ask him for separation he refuses.I m tired of living a lie,and always when I find out about his afairs he provime 2 never do it again.he doesn’t keep his promise and he also doesn’t want to let me go.what can I do with this situation? I’m confused
Lazi B, I’m so sorry you are suffering like this for years, I don’t know how you managed to get up every single day to this awful reality.
Your husband is, unfortunately, a serial cheater and I don’t know his reasons but it doesn’t seem like it’s going to change.
I think that if you could you probalby would have left him by now, but maybe financial reasons and fear of living on your own is keeping you from freeing yourself from living a lie.
I don’t think that there’s anything confunsing about this. If you CAN risk the end of your marriage, give him an ultimatum in the form of marriage counseling of some kind of outside help, and if he doesn’t want to do that, well, I would leave him.
I think that you should know that you deserve better than this.
Lisa
My husband cheated–and although I certainly had proof, I couldn’t prove it to him if I had him on video. You know…the whole not wearing the wedding ring thing, constantly lying about where he is going and who he is with, showering then going out and returning 2 hours later to shower again, emails to and from women soliciting activity. He even gave me an STD and tried to claim I must have been out cheating!!!! He is the type where if I had a photo, he would say it was photo shopped. If I walked in on him, he would say “it wasn’t me.” Bad enough to be a cheater but to also lie on top of it. After I booted him out, I told anyone who called the house for him that he didn’t live in my home anymore because he is a cheater. I took the house, the kids, he pays all bills, even my car, cable and vacations. I love living in an environment where I am not worried about whether or not I am being lied to or made a fool of–its much less stressful. The nail in his coffin was lying about the cheating. He has asked me out to dinner etc. but I told him that I will not be seen in public with him because I don’t want anybody to think I would ever marry such a scuzzball. I am truly ashamed that I even made children with him. He is not welcome in “my” home, he is not welcome to call me. (he can call the kids and see them whenever–but ONLY on their terms. They have phones but he had already burned his bridges with them…they knew about the cheating before I believed it and at first I didn’t listen to them and he threatened them physically for telling. He is only allowed over my thresh hold to wait for me to hand him the bills (seriously) or to hand the kids spending money. I might say “hi” from across the room–and that is only me being polite for the sake of my children. I don’t argue with him–when I parted from him I told him I would never waste another moment of breath on him. After 17 years of marriage, its been nearly 2 years since I put him out and the neanderthal still wants me back. I am the best thing that ever happened to him–and was surely too good for him in the first place. I have left instructions that if I am ever injured and unable to speak for myself, he is never to be allowed in my hospital room. I don’t have to waste energy hating him. He simply will never again have the pleasure of my company. I hope he grows old and dies alone.
Cheating is one thing I can never tolerate in a marriage. Forgive me but when my husband cheats on me, the next thing I’ll think of is separation. Maybe I’m an idealist, but I expect my man to love me wholly and not to tell me later that it was just a relapse of judgement. Loving each other means if a relapse of judgement occurs, its with each other – together. I forgive, but that doesn’t mean I pretend like it didn’t happen! I will never cheat on my partner, whether a boyfrined or a husband, and I don’t expect him to cheat on me.
Basically, before I marry, he’ll be aware that when he cheats, he’d better make sure I don’t find out about it. And when I find out about it, I leave him without a second thought; and if he tries to follow me around saying I’m sorry a million times and nagging me, I might just castrate him!
Thanks for your comment Faith:) And that last sentence made me smile…:)
Exactly my thoughts. If you cheat and I find out about it, its OVER..absolutely no second chances are in order.
WHat about midlife crisis? Male hormonal changes, depression, etc. All these may influence men and cause them to cheat. They may still love their spouses very much.
I would like to hear from men who experienced the above.
Thanks for commenting, and I agree…I would love to hear other men with experiences.