“I can’t remember the last time my husband actually listened to me when I talked to him.
Or the last time he called me during the day. The last time he asked me how my day was, joked around with me, or bothered to tell me things about his life (before his friends).”
It feels like my husband completely ignores me. I feel neglected and ignored.
Why does he act like this? And what can I do to change this?“
I felt I had to answer this reader question on my blog, especially because I get the “why my husband ignores me” questions all the time. And this situation is sometimes a sign that your husband wants a divorce.
Being Ignored By Your Husband Can Be Very Painful
Do you feel invisible when your husband ignores you?
(👉 By ignoring I don’t mean giving you the silent treatment. If that’s your situation, here’s how to handle the silent treatment – with dignity)
Do you find yourself upset, humiliated, and depressed about it, wondering why and how it happened and if your marriage is on the brink of divorce?
Do you feel that talking to your husband is like talking to a brick wall and that he doesn’t care about what you’re saying?
I know you’re at loss, but you’re not alone.
You won’t believe how many marriages suffer from this passive-aggressive pattern.
The good news is that no matter the reason your husband intentionally disregards you – you have the power to change it, faster than you can imagine.
You can get his full attention back. You can get his love and affection back. And you can become his #1 priority again.
Stick with me and you’ll learn how (there’s even a checklist for you below!)
Why Does My Husband Ignore Me?
Ignoring is a passive-aggressive way of dealing with a chronic relationship problem.
When your husband ignores you, no matter if it’s all the time or just after arguments, he is trying to avoid and run away from a problem instead of dealing with it and solving it.
(It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you anymore!)
So he spends all day at work, way more than he really needs to. Or he locks himself in a room playing X-Box or watching who-knows-what on the computer.
You want a deeper emotional connection, more intimacy in your marriage – to feel loved, appreciated, valued, acknowledged, and understood.
When you try to talk to him about it, he gives you lame excuses and ignores your feelings altogether.
Ignoring is always a result of marriage communication problems. And, not knowing how to communicate with each other is the #1 cause of any marital crisis.
What To Do When Your Husband Ignores You
The secret underlying problem is that men and women communicate differently.
For example, even the word “love” means something significantly different to you and your spouse.
For you, love may mean appreciation, unconditional acceptance, and help around the house.
For him, love may mean giving him the freedom to do what he wants (this is just an example).
You can’t communicate if you speak English and he speaks french.
So, the first step to take is to start speaking the same language.
The first step is finding out, maybe for the first time, what an emotional connection means to you – vs. him.This little exercise could be a life-changing experience for both of you.
I recommend that you download Dr. Huizenga’s free emotional connection checklist, which is the beginning of a new language for your marriage – the language of love – which is universal.
Here’s a screenshot of one of the pages in the checklist (to be filled by you and your spouse):
It’s completely free, and you’ll get the instructions straight to your inbox.
This will inspire a new vision and language for a deeper emotional connection between you and your spouse.
So… take a deep breath, and begin…slowly.
How To Make Your Husband Stop Neglecting You
Making your husband stop ignoring you is all about communication. Does he ignore you – unless he wants something?
The key to getting a man to listen to what you say and open up to you is to understand HIM before you talk about YOU.
I know, annoying advice. You already feel like he has all the power and you always have to understand him while he doesn’t make a tiny effort to do the same?
Your ego screams.
It’s completely normal.
But I’ll tell you why it’s the key to solving your problems: because this is the way to get everything you ever wanted from him.
Let’s say your husband spends all his time working, or locked up with the computer and has no desire in spending any time with you.
One day you try to talk to him about it, and this is usually how the conversation goes:
And this is where useless arguments start, or he just leaves the room and runs away from the conversation and both of you end up highly frustrated.
Now, here’s the little-known secret:
In order to be understood, you have to first understand.
In other words, you have to show your man that you understand his situation first before you expect him to understand yours.
When you do that (talking about his needs first), you’ll get it back ten times over. He will instantly cater to your needs, without any resistance.
Can I suggest the right way to do this?
When you are willing to give while you communicate, before you expect to get anything back, you can make your husband do anything you want from him.
You can turn a difficult situation into an easy one, by just making a few adjustments to your words.
It’s simple, and it works.
👉 If you are feeling neglected and unheard in your marriage, you are not alone. Taking the first step towards healing and improving your relationship is crucial. Don’t wait any longer, take advantage of this free marriage help from marriage counselor Mort Fertel!
What If Your Husband Ignores You Sexually?
When your spouse shows no interest in a physically intimate relationship, that’s a bit of a red flag.
Men are biologically “built” to show their love and affection in a sexual way, and his being uninterested in you sexually could either mean that you’re in the middle of a fight, that he is depressed, or that he may be cheating.
If you are worried about him being unfaithful, you can check the 8 signs of emotional cheating and what to do about it.
When your husband constantly ignores you, your marriage is in serious trouble.
When communication disappears for a long period of time, intimacy and friendship can be lost forever.
But there are simple ways to completely reverse the situation.
Most of us rely on pure luck or chance and hope that things will somehow get better with time…
The truth, however, is that it won’t unless you do something to change this situation now before it’s too late.
Rooting for ya,
👉 Read: How to save your marriage alone (when only you are trying)