How long have you been trying to solve your marriage problems?
How many problem-solving strategies have you tried? Communication techniques?
How long are you frustrated by trying so hard and failing, again and again?
Do you fear your marriage is slowly ending?
When we have problems, we try to solve them.
But what if I told you there’s another way?
Could there be another way to improve, or even restart your marriage – without solving your conflicts?
The Surprising Key to Solving Your Marriage Problems
According to Mort Fertel, the well-known marriage coach and creator of the Marriage Fitness program, the key to renewing your marriage is not through problem solving.
Do you remember the beginning?
Do you remember how much love you used to share? The way you stayed up all night together, just hugging, talking, laughing, and sharing everything with one another?
Did you use to give each other small yet thoughtful gifts? Leave little love notes in the kitchen?
You were once deeply connected.
But something happened. Something that destroys most marriages.
Financial problems. Caring for children. Work stress. Routine.
You started running away from each other emotionally.
Before you know it, one of you – or both – have checked out emotionally.
Instead of talking all night, it feels like a chore to spend a few minutes together just talking.
(It usually turns into a fight anyway.)
Your relationship consists of screaming matches and silent treatments.
But deep inside you know you don’t want to lose each other.
So you decide to work on your marriage and “try”.
You try conflict resolution techniques. You try listening without interrupting. You even go to counseling to wrestle your problems.
But guess what. Nothing works. Nothing changes.
You try to solve your problems, but it only makes you focus on them even more. So you fight more. And feel worse.
But here’s Mort Fertel’s breakthrough insight:
If you can’t solve your problems – set them aside.
SET ASIDE your problems and try to RE-CONNECT with each other.
Ditch the negative. Bring in the positive.
How to Set Aside Your Problems and Fall in Love Again
When you remove the focus from your problems and spend your time and energy on POSITIVE actions – You will not only resolve your differences – but fall in love all over again.
Establish healthy habits that’ll bring positive energy to your relationship.
It’s counter intuitive, but according to Fertel, if you strengthen your relationship – most of your conflicts will dissipate and what remains of them will be more easily resolved in a safer, softer and forgiving marital environment.
Before dealing with problems, build good will with each other.
When your back hurts, sometimes the solution is to strengthen your core muscles. Strengthening one part of your body can heal another.
Your marriage works in a similar way.
If you’d like, you can sign up for his wonderful free newsletter and get a free marriage assessment.
Don’t worry, there’s nothing to buy and he won’t try to make you purchase anything.
It’s just free advice. Take advantage of it.
Strengthen Your Marriage and Reconnect
Reconnecting and rebuilding the love is not only easier than resolving conflicts, it’s way more FUN.
Remember, the key is NOT to fix what’s wrong. The key is to make new things right.
1. Date Nights
Date nights are one of the easiest and most fun ways to keep the spark in your marriage, strengthen your bond and deepen your friendship, whether you’ve been married for one year or thirty.
Go here to find 31 fabulous date night ideas (that won’t cost an arm and a leg).
2. Romantic Love Text Messages
Every man (and woman) likes to be reminded that he is loved and appreciated. But sending short text love messages to your spouse can be so much more than that:
It’s the perfect pick me up on a bad day.
It’s a thoughtful surprise.
It keeps you on his mind all day.
It’s a quick way to spark up your relationship.
It’s a fun way to connect with him all day long.
Go here to find short love text messages for your husband, to help you reconnect and keep you on his mind all day long.
And here’s a wonderful quote from Fertel to sum things up:
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable—you can “make” love.
What do you think about this marriage renewing approach?
Rooting for ya,
If you missed it, here’s the link to Mort Fertel’s newsletter, to get your free confidential marriage assessment and some darn good advice.