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My name is Lisa also..my husband of 19 years plus 14 before marriage had a prostitute service him and then had an email relationship with her and even sent her $ thru Western union…she lives in another country…very far away, I found the emails and confronted him in a very shocked angry and confused way. We are working on our relationship in an honest (very) way…our sex life had virtually died, I admit I let it, we are 57 years old and menapause is a bear on being/feeling sexy…we do love one another and want our relationship to be better than ever…I’m so sad at times and trying to move forward..its been 2-3 weeks since I found out, the encounter was 2 months ago, he severed all communication and has told me he needs sex and passion in our lives..I want that too, but these sad and slightly disgusted feeling keep surfacing, I have not shared what happened with anyone, I’m not going there for both of our sakes. He is really trying to win back my trust but I have such sad feelings daily how can I get these bad messages out of my mind and heart…please help I want a better marriage and to feel happy again…thank you
I’m sorry for the pain you are going through. I know it’s hard to move ahead and trying to fix things when these obsessive negative thoughts hand like a big dark cloud over your head.
I think that the only way to know that he won’t do this again is by doing everything you can to have a sex life again. I know it’s the last thing you want to think about now, but that’s the truth about preventing him from cheating again.
You know he needs it, and he couldn’t get it in your marriage, so the only 2 options were to cheat, or to leave you, and obviously he doesn’t want to end your marriage.
There are professionals who can help with this, and there are many ways to bring passion and romance back to a relationship, and you will find them easily if you decide you want to. That’s how it works in my experience.
As for the painful images, give it time. Also see my post about how to handle them:
I hope this helps and all the best to you,
Hi I wanted to send you an email but I’d like to know do you read all of your emails that people send to you?
Yes, I do:)
I just read you’re article about how to tell if your husband will cheat again, my husband cheated and got the girl pregnant, so cutting contact isn’t really possible, however he agrees to keeping it limited to the child only through texts I can see but I asked him to black her from his Facebook friends list and he refuses. Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this and my husband’s affair resulting a baby?
I’m so sorry this has happened. It’s the hardest thing.
When a baby is invloved, all “rules” can’t really apply, like you said – No contact with the other woman is not possible.
I can understand why he refuses to remove her from his Facebook friends, it’s because he has every intention of keeping in touch with her, and he has an excuse – His baby.
I don’t know you and I don’t know why you’ve decided to stay with him even though he did this to you, but I don’t know how I would cope with this situation, I don’t think I could have honestly.
His baby is a daily reminder of his infidelity and it’s very hard to save a marriage like this.
If you are sure you want to keep your marriage, the only way will not be through rules and restrictions, but through full acceptance of this situation. If you’ll be able to accept that he has another family at the same time, you’ll be able to move on.
But that’s very hard.
What ever you do, I hope that good things will come your way and the universe will show you what you need to you.
All the best to you,
Hi , i read some of you articles and I would really like to ask you a few questions maybe you can help me with my marriage?
Sure Veronica..shoot me an email:)
Looking for help, love my husband but I dont want to have sex or think about it :(. Please help
Would you believe I have post which is titled exactly like your question?:)
Here it is: https://how-to-save-marriage.org/low-sex-drive/
Thanks Frank I’ll be reading those right away!:)
Have you read the marriage books by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn? They are titled “For Men Only” and “For Women Only”. They would be good to recommend to readers on your website.
Frank from Concord, NH
Happily (and faithfully) married for 20 years
Yes of course…shoot me an email:)
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