Every marriage has its ups and downs.
But not all “downs” are going to go up again.
Repeated periods of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, anger, frustration, hurt, and disappointment, are unmistakable signs of a marriage in (serious) trouble.
Below you’ll find 10 signs that your husband is planning to leave you, and what to do about it.
If you’re worried that your husband is looking for a way out, you need to be aware of some of the signs that he is ready to leave you.
Being aware will allow you to take steps to save your marriage – before it’s too late.
A marriage breakdown is always the outcome of a process.
When women are completely shocked by their husbands leaving them, they have probably ignored early warning signs, or just thought that things will work out on their own.
Unfortunately, they rarely do.
10 Signs Your Husband Wants a Divorce
Here are 10 unmistakable signs that your husband may leave you soon (unless of course, you decide to do something about it):
1. He Doesn’t Want to Make Plans
If your husband is reluctant to upgrade your home, have a child (or another child), moving, and making large or lasting purchases (even though you know you can afford it financially), consider it as warning signs.
He may refuse to make major or long-term joint decisions because he just isn’t sure if he’s going to be married to you for that much longer.
But even men who are fully committed to their marriage can be hesitant in making big decisions.
So this should only be a warning sign if combined with general ambivalence about your marriage, distance, unhappiness, and more signs like the ones below.
2. He is Having an Emotional Affair
If your husband is showing signs of an emotional affair, never ignore them.
If he has another woman that he can be emotionally intimate with (not necessarily sexually) and who gives him the things (in his mind) that are lacking in your marriage – trouble is knocking on your marital door.
If on top of this he said that he loves you but is not in love with you, chances are he is planning to leave you.
👉 Find out if your husband is having an emotional affair (and what to do about it).
3. You’re Always Wrong
Be it the style of your hair or the way you walk, if your husband is constantly irritated with you, he is probably trying to push you away.
If no matter how hard you try, nothing you do is right and he blames you for everything wrong in his life, he is trying to justify (to himself) that leaving you is the right thing to do.
You can find out what’s bothering him by learning how to communicate with him and tear down the huge wall he has put up between the two of you.
👉 Get Free Help
Get marriage counselor Mort Fertels’ free marriage help to get you started with healing your marriage – today.
4. Serial Cheating
Some men are just not cut out for monogamy and marriage, even if they long for it.
Serial cheaters do not only cheat, but they also tend to blame their spouse and will claim that you are paranoid, controlling, and too jealous.
Unfortunately, a serial cheater is more than likely to leave his marriage, at some point (if he’s not kicked out first).
5. He Doesn’t Care About Your Emotions
If your husband seems completely indifferent to your emotions (for a long period), he may be on his way to leaving you.
For example, if he makes comments about hot girls; If he makes fun of you, and humiliates you in front of friends and family;
If he is inconsiderate on purpose, he is sending you a clear message. He doesn’t care anymore.
👉 Read: My husband hates me – why and what can I do?
6. He Doesn’t Want to Talk About Your Marriage
If your husband is well aware that your marriage is in trouble, yet refuses to get help or even discuss it – he may have mentally checked out of your marriage.
If you repeatedly bring up an issue, ask for help and make it clear that your marriage is in trouble and he refuses to even discuss it, see it as an unmistakable sign that he may be planning to end your marriage.
But, I do believe that even in this case, it doesn’t mean that all hope is lost.
7. He is Living a Separate Life
If your husband is gradually fading out from your life – don’t ignore this warning sign.
If he prefers to hang out with his friends, his family, or at work and he finds no time to just be with you – he may be a step out the door.
8. He Has No Interest in Sex
If your husband has no interest in having sex, know that something serious is going on.
Forget about excuses like fatigue, work stress, etc. A man who is not interested in sex and refuses it even when offered to him – Is probably getting it somewhere else.
Sometimes men can have low sex drive due to a physical problem, but if that’s ruled out then something is up.
👉 Here are some major signs that your husband is cheating (and how to stop it!).
9. He is Moving Money Around
If your husband starts behaving differently with your money, you may have cause for alarm.
If he opens another account (more so if it’s secretly!), moves money from a joint account to a personal one or anything else out of the ordinary, he may be planning for the day he leaves you.
Always be aware of your financial situation and know where all your accounts are and how to access them.
10. He Constantly Threatens to Leave You
When couples fight, they say the most awful things. A common human weakness. We all say things that we later regret.
But if your husband has threatened to leave you more than once, and over the tiniest things, he may mean exactly what he says – He wants to leave you.
Even if he just jokes about it, especially around friends, do not ignore this warning sign.
Here’s the best way to change your husband’s mind about a divorce.
Whatever you do, the main thing is that you do.
Do something about these warning signs to save your marriage – before it’s too late.
Rooting for ya,
I think the same can happen with women as well. My partner makes excuses to avoid any touching and goes off at me even threatening to leave me over the smallest details when I’m driving with her in the car like our lives are in danger! These signs are too much for me, but not sure where to go at this point.
Fiona Boshell says
Michael, have you tried giving her a day off?
Zoe Campos says
Thanks for telling me that I should be aware of my husband if he shows the first few signs of having another emotional affair. He often makes excuses why he’s not always at home and just recently, I smelled another woman’s perfume on him. It might be time to consult a lawyer and consider divorce since I won’t tolerate this kind of disrespectful behavior towards our marriage.
Mina Edinburgh says
It sure got me when you said that if my husband finds fault in everything I do, then it is a sign that he is trying to push me away. Although that hit me hard, I already saw it coming because I am the same way about him. We always argue as result. I’m at least glad to know that my hunch is right. I will consult a divorce attorney as soon as I can.
We divorced 2 years ago. We have no children, and the marriage lasted not long, just 1 year. I still can’t understand why we divorced. We had a great love and a wonderful life before marriage. Once we married all went wrong. Now I’m seeing another man and I hope for a happy family. I do not want to repeat the sad experience. I read all your articles and I think I will not repeat mistakes.
Im really confused. My husband and I have been seperated for almost 1 yr. We have working on our relationship and i keep getting mixed signals from him. Hes loves me today tomorrow he may be real distant. After we seperated he begin seeing this lady and stopped seeing her within a few months. Then we began trying to work it out, then 2 weeks ago she started texting me screenshots of their conversations and i was hurt so bad. He claimed to not love me and he loved her. We were divorcing and werent trying to work on it. So i confronted him and he played it off as no big deal and assured me he loved me only and told her what she wanted to hear. How do i know if he isnt doing me the same way? I love him with all my heart and forgive him over and over. Im just so confused where were going at this point.
Lisa Penn says
I don’t want to upset you, but I think your instincts are right. He wants to have the cake and eat it too and he’s probably telling both of you what you want to hear.
I think he knows how much you love him and that you’ll keep forgiving him, over and over, like you do every time – And he uses it to keep not deciding.
He doesn’t really have to make a decision, because none of you two give him an ultimatum or make him see that he can’t keep doing this.
I have a post about how to use marriage separation to save a marriage, I think it could be helpful for you:
I hope this helps and hang in there, everything will clear up soon.
After reading your posts, i wish i would have had these a long time ago. I have been with my husband for going on 18 years. Married for going on 13 years. My husband started cheating on me when i was prrgnate with our first son. He is now 15. I didnt want to believe it was happening but i ignored it. Then came more cheating i had found out later 6 years later. When i asked how many couldnt even tell me a certain number. I always thought at least myboys would have there dad and i would go through hell and high water for that to happen. The problems just got worse after that. Even when i printed out emails, phone records, and his family and friends covered for him. There was always an excuse for it. Always women who were all of a sudden his best friend. So i did more to please him. Now after reading it waas more like i was saying okay to it all. I believe he cant stop cheating to be honest. It has been years and i still sneak and go through stuff. The cheating never stopped it just turned worse when i would do anything for him to be in my childrens lives. To the point of open marriage. A BIG MISTAKE on my part. Thinking if he was able to do it he wouldnt. Wrong. He still searchednfor women online and has managed to ruin all of our friendships due to him talking to there wives in a way he shiuldnt be. He thinks i dont know about it. Plus the lies that he tells. Which was just last week. I really think, he thinks, i am stuipd. He is back to being a wrecker driver which means he is never home anymore. I had done everything you can think of and i think i am exhausted. Even after our car accident over this summer, he was more worried about himself then if i needed help. I ciuldnt walk right for two minths. My kids helped me more than he did. I feel so used and stupid. Where were you many years ago. Lol
Lisa Penn says
I’m so so sorry about all you’ve been through all these years.
Please don’t beat yourself up, you were just trying to do the right thing for your children, at your expense.
I think that your husband is definitely a serial cheater with no respect to marriage bonds and is also not your friend.
Sometimes the best thing for you could be a separation. At least a temporary one.
It will give him a chance to see for tthe first time what he is about to lose and how much it was good for him to be with you all these years (why do you think he stayed?)
Even if you separate, he will still be a father to your children, not any less than he is right now anyway.
It’s time to take care of yourself. And don’t forget – A happy mother means happy children.
Hang in ther, everything will be better soon, As long as you do something about this…
Jenise Kohler says
Oh My gosh! When I read your words “To the point of open marriage.” my heart almost stopped. That’s where I am. My husband says he did not cheat (he says I “gave him permission because we played with other couples”) and is now asking for an open marriage – which I told him “no, it does not work for me” He’s been unhappy since then (for about 5 months now, after he revealed that he had a “good friend in UK” who is 23 yrs old and blond and “hot” – his words, not mine.
I am about to give up but we have 3 children, last one is only just 13; so I’m stuck for another 5 years until he goes to college/gets to be legally adult.
Oh yes! I have dealt with many women who’ve shared with me many of these same signs not knowing their significance. So I hope that if there’s a person out there that is in denial about the condition of their marriage, that they will pay attention to these signs, Lisa. Very helpful and thanks for linking up at MM and Wedded Wed!
Lisa Penn says
Hi Beth!:) Thanks as always for visiting and commenting…I was very moved by your last post and I wish you all the best and waiting to hear the good news soon!:)
I am actually trying to figure me (female) out because the shoe is on the other foot in my case. I Know that I represent some of these symptoms. But I don’t want to leave my husband. I’m not cheating and never have. But we’re missing a lot of intimacy and sparks!! And I know he’s trying to fix it. And I don’t seem able to make an emotional connection to him again. But I can’t figure out why either. He’s still my best friend. But I don’t want sex. Him or anybody. We don’t talk about things other than work/kids. We went on a date (no kids!) and he played on his phone the whole time. I feel like I don’t GET it or know how to make actual progress so I’ve shut down towards fixing our marriage sometimes.
Lisa Penn says
I know how you feel and believe me, there are so many marriaged like yours. I really believe it’s a matter of having the right knowledge and “tools”.
I think there are 2 articles that can really help you with your situation:
Let me know if this helps:)
Thanks for the post, i take this as a learning programme because im benefiting day by day. As we all know that prevention is better than a que today i have learned how to maintain my marriage. Some men ar like maths, they are difficult to be understood. They can start an argument out of nothing just to get attention if they did something wrong just to make the wife feel quilty. Actually according to my understanding GOD gave Adam power over Eve, thats why women ar oppressed