You don’t have proof yet, but your gut tells you that he’s doing something he shouldn’t be doing.
Your instincts are telling you that he is lying.
You need to know the signs of a cheating husband, and what to do if he does.
Is it the young woman at work that “he’s just friends” with? Or the old flame that he’s been chatting with on Facebook?
Has he become distant, silent, and won’t touch you or look you in the eyes? Does it just feel that he’s not interested in you anymore?
7 Signs Your Husband is Cheating
The truth is that there are dozens, even hundreds of warning signs when a husband is cheating.
For me (and for many women I know), it was a deep instinct, an inner voice nagging at me, warning me that even though my husband is still living with me, emotionally he has checked out of our marriage a long time ago.
Sadly, in most cases, these instincts turn out to be a heart-stabbing reality. And even if he isn’t cheating (yet), he is vulnerable to being stolen by another woman.
If your instincts confuse you right now, a few common signs your husband is cheating are:
1. Visible Signs
If your husband made a sudden and drastic makeover (wardrobe changes, grooming habits, personal hygiene), it’s probably not for you. More than likely, he is trying to impress someone else.
2. Changing Work Habits
Men often use their job as a cover for an affair. Any change in his daily work routine may be a sign that he is cheating. For example, he suddenly has work meeting late in the evening, or he is suddenly not available to meet you for lunch.
3. The Way He Relates To You
This can go in 2 directions: either he is suddenly more affectionate and caring (for no apparent reason) or he is extremely distant, avoiding contact and not communicating.
4. Changing Financial Habits
If your husband is seeing someone else, he’ll want to take her out and give her things (the way he gave you at the beginning of your relationship).
No matter how badly he’ll try to hide it, sooner or later this will be reflected in your family finances.
5. Sex Frequency Change
Changes in the frequency or the quality of your sex life may be warning signs of an affair. Wants more sex than he used to? A sign. Wants less sex? Also a sign.
Your husband may be using travel (for work) as an opportunity to cheat away from prying eyes.
7. Emotional Affair Signs
If your husband is sharing his private thoughts and feelings with someone else, this is a definite warning sign of an emotional affair.
If he gets angry when you ask him questions about a female friend, don’t ignore it.
Why You Shouldn’t Confront Him – Yet
I know how impossible it feels to resist the urge to confront him with your suspicions – but I urge you to stop unless you have solid and irrefutable evidence.
Accusing your husband of cheating without proof will lead to catastrophe, in 2 ways:
1. If you have no proof he will deny it and most probably run (angrily) out of the house, which gives him a chance to “get his story straight”. This will lead to more lying and things getting worse.
2. Confronting him without proof will give him time to decide what he wants to do next – stop cheating and work on your marriage, or leave you for the other woman.
You don’t want this decision to be made under pressure.
👉 Read: how to confront him about cheating – the right way.
How to Make Your Husband Stop Cheating Now
No matter how hard it is for you to grasp right now, I want you to know that you CAN have it all back.
The soft touch on your arm as you’re walking together, that loving glance across the dinner table, his love, admiration, and respect.
You CAN get through this and make your marriage better than it ever was. If you use a few wise changes (like I did), you can make him beg to hold you close in his arms and regret the day he ever laid eyes on another woman.
If you want to affair-proof your marriage – this is exactly how to do it.
What about you? Do you have a deep feeling that something is up? Which signs have you noticed?
Rooting for ya,
Hurting now says
My husband works nights & sometimes he doesn’t answer the phone or call me back. So one time in particular, on the early morning of his birthday, I called him like an hour before he was supposed to get off & he didn’t answer. He didn’t call me back until 20 minutes later & he sounded like he had been sleep. Then when his check stub came in the mail it showed leave time for 5.5 hours. He told me that he had went out to get food for the guys a day earlier but for all those hours; I don’t believe it. And since then he has been hiding his stubs. What does it sound like to you??
My husband of 23 years has loved this girl since my first child was born (15years). He keeps getting caught chatting with her. We are countries apart. He promises to stop and still hasn’t yet. He says I love you , I miss you. In return she doesn’t them words. Only sends her pics for him to drool over. Now she tells him that I’m controlling because with 15 years experience, I have become a competent private investigator. Thanks to him!! She says I don’t give him privacy. He says he loves me and also affectionate. He brings her up when we get intimate which I detest. Our marriage has lost the trust and respect. I have given him many chances. No change whatsoever. Is it fixable or not? I think leaving him may open his eyes . You don’t know what you have until you have lost it.
My husband is friends with a female coworker. Some of the messages I’ve seen include “Good morning, beautiful,” “I love you buddy,” “You’re the funniest woman I know,” and “I miss you.”
Now, my husband throws the L word around a lot, and he is a very friendly person. He is also a very flirty person. He told me that the good morning beautiful text was bc her husband mistreats her and he wanted to make her feel special. While it’s a very nice gesture, it’s really not his place to worry about another mans wife imo.
He has been working from home so no unexplained absences. I don’t think it’s a physical relationship. Do you think it’s an emotional relationship or an innocent friendship like he claims?
Lisa Penn says
My guess would be less informed than yours… what does your gut feeling tell you?
It is definitely an emotional affair. His desire to make her feel good proves that. He is emotionally connected with her and is trying to be her hero. Dangerous place. Those words and connection are only meant for you.
Ally M says
My husband of 6 years thinks he is in love with a girl he had a crush on in college. I’ve seen messages between them before she blocked him telling him if she knew before she met her husband she would have cared. Then I see messages between him and his friends saying losing her is like losing his best friend and how he still thinks they have a chance to be together. I am so crushed, he told his friends he only married me because she got married and had settled for me. I don’t think he can ever get over her. I reached out to her to inform her how he was on her FB page daily to weekly constantly checking out her page and instead of being freaked out it’s like she enjoyed his attention. He says this is all my fault but I know it isn’t, we have been married for 6 years and he should only have love for me. Please help me in this awful situation.
I’ve been married for 17 years and on July 7 I found out my husband was having an affair with a woman from work, he already told me he loves her and his feelings for me have vanished, after 17 years I still love my husband and want to try to save my marriage, can it be possible to get him to notice me and fall in love with me again?
Lisa Penn says
Yes, I think it’s possible, and even though he thinks he doesn’t love you anymore, it’s not true. He just thinks that because of the excitement and feelings he has for her. Did he say he wants to divorce?
Lindsey Harper says
Aww bless your heart hope it works out for you
Khloé Jones says
My husband left me.says he has feelings for another women whom he has been basically living with for the last 6 months since he left. I still love him. I still want our marriage to work. He says he wants a divorce. I’m so heart broken. I don’t know what I can do. I have prayed everyday since he has been gone that God will restore our marriage, nothing has happened.
Lisa Penn says
The secret to an effective prayer is not to ask for something, but to imagine it already done and how it feels when you wish is already fulfilled. Most people don’t know this. Try it this way and see. Give thanks in your mind for the wish fulfilled. Also, please see this post: https://how-to-save-marriage.org/my-husband-left-me-for-another-woman/
Lori Mcintyre says
My husband says he loves me and doesn’t want to leave me but he’s confused. He isn’t happy that I have not been able to give him a child of his own. I found another woman’s phone number in his phone and deleted it, he put it back in, saying their just friends. He was working in another state, and she lives there. He works in a lot of different states. Help me. I am crushed.
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. He has never given me signs that he is cheating on me. Personally, I think cheating is even looking at another person lustfully (ex. porn). 1. He has porn on his phone and said he got it from an email virus. Don’t you have to look at porn to get a porn virus? 2. The other day i went though his history on his phone and it showed 6 phone pages of a person he googled and searched for and it showed he also googled “why am I crushing on my co-worker and why is she crushing on me”. I confronted him about it and he said he has no idea how that got there- it must have been somebody at work cause he leaves his phone on the table most of the time and his passcode is pretty common. 3. #2 was hard for me to believe so i gently brought the subject up again and this was 4 hours later- he said you misunderstood me, i did google and search her but only for criminal records BUT the other stuff (porn and why am i crushing on my co-worker) wasn’t me. that must have been the virus or somebody else. 4. I fell asleep last night and he told me he was gonna go have a cigarette and do the dishes then he would come to bed. Well, i woke up and the dishes werent done. so i asked him where he was. he said the part for his bike that was missing was found and he went to go fix it.
what do you think?
Lisa Penn says
I’m so sorry, but in my opinion he is definitely lying to you.
No one took the trouble to decode his passcode and look for what to do when you’re crushing on a co-worker…
I think he is crushing on a co-worker, and she is crushing for him.
In this case, I would focus on THIS problem and forget about the porn (which he also lying about).
He seems to be heaading to an emotional affair, and you have to do something right now, if you want to prevent it.
I know it’s really really hard, but the smart thing to do is to collecr hard evidence. Look into his phone when you can, look at his email and facebook accounts and gather evidence and only then – Confront him about it.
Here’s how to do it the right way:
Again, I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but please don’t lose hope yet. It’s not irreversible.
Thank you for the info am exactly in such a married relationship for 15 years have prayed, have burst out in anger still no change
A Guy says
I’m a guy whose wife isn’t interested in fighting. We love each other a ton, and have lots of sex (literally 2X per day, after almost 20 years), but there isn’t a lot of desire to just hang out. She’d prefer I do that with other women.
I currently am extremely close to another woman – some people would say we are in ’emotional affair’ territory. However, we don’t have any interest in being physical, I tell my wife everything, and I like to think we’re just great friends. Most women would be pretty upset by this, but my wife loves it. It gives her a chance to unwind on her own.
I almost wonder if having an affair would make things better. For years I have said how much I miss my wife ‘fighting’ for our marriage. How much I miss her sending me texts during the day or calling. How much I miss just hanging out and talking. Or a really long hug or holding hands in an intimate manner. But she’s not interested. She wants hot sex, but that’s about it.
Lisa Penn says
Wow, this is really an unusual story…
About having an affair, I just don’t see why you would do that. You’ve said that you and your woman-friend is not even interested in sex with each other. Why not just keep it as a great friendship (instead of risking your marriage)?
I think that you really love your wife and I can understand your problem. But how about finding something that you both like to do together (instead of just “hanging out”) and suggest that to her?
For example, maybe she likes dancing. Or going to movies. Maybe she has a hobby that you can enjoy participating in. I think that she may really like it, don’t you?
Kendra @ AProverbs 31 Wife says
It’s called “fighting like a woman for your man”. My dad cheated and mom fought for him. She won him back to her and to the Lord through her testimony.
Now if only mom had used those God given skills in the first place he wouldn’t have looked else where to begin with. However, she is a Godly woman and when she realized her mistakes had been a huge factor in sending him away she worked hard and prayed to overcome those mistakes.
Today my parents are still married and their marriage hs been made stronger because it endured the fire.
How did your mom win him over
If he cheated I wouldn’t take him back. I wouldn’t even want him anymore and I would be happy embracing my singledom.
I once cheated because he also cheated.
Lisa Penn says
And how did that turn out for you?