My Husband Wants a Divorce: How Can I Change His Mind?

change husbnd mind about a divorce

What can you do when your husband wants a divorce and you don’t?

How can you save your marriage when he wants to leave you, and you still love him?

It seems hopeless. I know.

When a wife learns that her husband “loves her but not in love” with her, she goes crazy trying to find a fix.

She talks to her best friend. She goes online and searches for “the” answer.

The one, quick answer to help you stop your divorce and reconcile your marriage.

The problem is:

Finding a solution to your marriage problems, and changing his mind about separating is not like finding a recipe for mushroom soup.

You can’t just click and get instant gratification.

Do Husbands Change Their Minds About a Divorce?

If you’re willing to do some work and be patient, chances are you’ll reap the rewards and save your marriage.

What I’m about to share is not a shortcut.

It takes time.

But I believe it’s the best way to change your husband’s mind about divorce.

More importantly:

It will help him realize he’s about to make a huge mistake. One that he may regret for the rest of his life.


Let’s go.

My Husband Wants a Divorce: How Do I Change His Mind?

There are plenty of allegedly fast ways to make your husband stay and give your marriage one more try.

I’m sure you’ve thought (or even tried) some of them:

1. Begging, pleading, and threatening.

2. Telling him you love him over and over again

3. Reassuring him (“I’ve changed, I won’t do this and that anymore)

4. Making him jealous

While these methods can work, none of them last. Not in the long term.

Your husband wants to leave because he is not happy with your relationship.

If he plans to leave for another woman, it’s still because he is not happy with your marriage.

If your relationship doesn’t change, he will leave.

Maybe not today, but in a week. Or a month.

Relationships, like crops, are governed by the natural laws of the universe. If you skip a step, you’ll short-circuit the process and slow yourself down. But if you take your time and go step-by-step…that’s the fastest way.

–       Mort Fertel (see my Marriage Fitness Program review)

my husband wants to leave me but i still love him

The best way (and the only way) to stop a divorce is to change yourself.

Because you can’t change HIM. You can’t change anyone else.

You can only change yourself.

Frustrating, but true.

There is an energy that emanates from all of us. You can’t fake it. It’s a matter of who you are.

And who you are is determined by how you live. And more importantly – how (and what) you think.

The only way to save your marriage from divorce is to change yourself.

Take responsibility for your part alone.

BE the person that you would want to be married to.

For example:

Do you want him to care more? To love you more?

YOU should care more about him. Love him more.

Do you want him to appreciate you and help you?

YOU appreciate him more. Help him more.

Ignore the circumstances. Ignore the tension and uncertainty that’s going on right now.

Be who you want to be married to – consistently.

( See the 5 best marriage counseling books for a troubled marriage – with my reviews)

What About Him? Doesn’t HE Have to Change?

do husbands change their minds about divorce

You may be thinking “It’s not me that needs to change. It’s HIM!

HE is the one that has emotionally checked out of your marriage.

You’re probably right about what your husband needs to change.

But being right won’t get you where you want to go.

I’ve learned this golden advice from Mort Fertel (who offers an excellent free newsletter here)

It’s a complete waste of time and energy to focus on your spouse’s problems and faults.

There’s absolutely nothing you can do about them.

I know it’s annoying to admit this, but you had a role in the deterioration of your marriage.

There is no troubled marriage caused by one spouse alone.

Think about your past relationships. Do you see a pattern?

What about your parent’s marriage? Are you recreating what you’ve seen as a child?

You may get angry with me now, but even if your spouse had an affair, you’re somewhat responsible.

( Read: how to deal with his midlife crisis affair)

It’s NOT your fault and this doesn’t excuse his behavior, but the question remains:

What was your husband seeking outside the marriage that was not available in it?

The Best Way to Use Your Chance for a Second Chance


You only get one chance for a second chance.

Don’t blow your chance on obsessing about how HE should change.

Don’t waste this opportunity on a quick fix that won’t work in the long term.

Begin, now, the real process of stopping your divorce and renewing your marriage.

Learn how to build the new building blocks for a happier, lasting marriage.

Do husbands change their minds about leaving?

Yes. They do.

But only if you know the right steps to take – starting today.

This free email series is the place to start.

In it you’ll find:

  • How to rebuild broken trust
  • How to deal with “I’m not in love with you.”
  • How to reconnect
  • How to get over the past
  • How to stop a divorce
  • How to avoid a separation
  • How to forgive and be forgiven
  • 5 free Marriage Assessments

Start today. Now. Before it’s too late.

Rooting for ya,


41 thoughts on “My Husband Wants a Divorce: How Can I Change His Mind?”

  1. My husband and I have have been married 9 years, together 12, we recently lost his mom and brother in a span of 2 weeks. I battle ADHD, PTSD, and severe depression and anxiety, I have been in a dark hole the last few months and can’t seem to climb out of it, I have not been there as a wife should be with her husband when he’s grieving. He said that he has felt alone when his wife should have his back and help him through this, I know that I have not been there, well he started talking to a female coworker, and he has been staying with her off and on over the last 2 weeks, and sleeping with her, he says she understands him, he packed a trash bag with some clothes and he left, he does not answer my texts, nor my phone calls, we have 2 minor children and 2 grown children, he originally wanted to just separate and then all of a sudden it was a divorce, he says we can’t be together right now, but maybe I’m the future, I feel like this other woman is putting stuff in his head though he says no, he told me he loves me but is not in love with me and asked if I could honestly say that I was in love with him and yes I am. I keep having serious breakdowns about all of this and I feel like he’s not going to come back.

  2. I’ve been married for 22 years to a sexually and verbally abusive husband. I’ve stayed because of my belief that I made a promise, til death do us part, and because when he’s nice, I do love him. Plus, we have three teens and my elderly parents living with us, and he’s the main breadwinner in the family. He just told me he’s leaving. Part of me feels relieved because hearing that I’m a ‘horrible wife’ every day gets old after a while. But at the same time, I’m terrified because of the financial aspect. I’m not sure if I want to try to get him to stay. Is it worth the financial security to be belittled every day? I thought I knew, but the feeling of relief that I felt when he told me, caught me off guard. Are all marriages worth trying to save?

    • I think that no, not every marriage is worth saving – especially when he is abusive sexually. It’s completely normal to feel relieved and I think this relief is a clue for you that you’re going to be just fine. This will lead you to find your independence financially – I’m sure of it.

      • Hi. My husband of 24 years told me “ I love you but I am not in love with you “! He wants me to move out. He’s 60 this year. He’s 10 years older than I am. I accidentally saw exchanges of messages from a Japanese app called Line on his phone w this Japanese girl in her 30’s, (he frequents Japan even if he has no business there)as months passed he became so irritable w me, distant and no affection at all! I love him but I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been doing individual counseling, my counselor just told me to consult a lawyer ( I have no resources at all, I don’t have a job) I feel like she’s no help at all. What do I do?

  3. My husband of 30yrs walked in the house one Saturday and announced out the blue he was leaving me and in a sexual relationship with our insurance agent. He has since moved in with her and her children whom are still in school. We are empty nesters and were making plans to buy a new house the night before. I’m so hurt and confused. His reasons are shallow and some are fictitious. I’ve been with him since we were 18 and I am numb. I don’t know what to do. I’m in therapy and he’s in a midlife crisis according to my therapist. He bought a Porsche I’ve never been in. His mistress took him to the dealership when I was at my family reunion. He is having an affair, and he abruptly said he doesn’t love me anymore. He wants a divorce and is telling this woman that he loves her and she is his future. We don’t speak. I would love any advice on how to get him back.

  4. What is your recommendation regarding continuing a sexual relationship with your husband when separated and he is still involved with his long term affair partner? They don’t see each other often (maybe once a month), but seem to have regular daily contact over the phone. He and I have very strong chemistry, and are finding it hard to resist each other. We had grown distant the last few years which was an impetus for his affair (I don’t blame myself, but am able to evaluate the reasons why it happened). I would like to try reconcile and fully recognize the need to work on myself and improve my life and circumstances, first and foremost. I have been devastated by his affair, but don’t necessarily see it as an end to our marriage. We are middle school sweethearts, married/engaged for over 21 years with two teen/tween daughters. We still madly love each other, but the challenges of life and him having a career that takes him out of town much of the year have taken a toll. I am dedicated to working on our friendship and rebuilding a positive relationship, but I’m having a hard time feeling like it’s okay to be with him sexually knowing he’s still in another relationship.

    • There’s not much I can add here… you seem to be in good awareness of the situation, taking responsibility for your side of the story, understanding your difficulty with him being involved with her, and you seem to love him unconditionally. How about being in a non-sexual relationship with him for a while? can you just be very good friends and see how it develops from there? that’s what I would do… when he decides that he can end his relationship with her you can always go back to a physically intimate relationship with him.

  5. My husband had an affair with his co-worker (around a two month affair) and finally told me he was leaving me for her. He told me he doesn’t love me, doesn’t need me anymore, and that I do nothing for him. He said his feelings for me are gone and they are not coming back. Soon after this, I believe she ended the relationship with him and told him to work on his marriage. At the same time though, she continues to call/speak with him and see how he is doing. Instead of working on our marriage, he got angry, said horrible things to me and moved all of his things out of our home and into a friends. He has now been staying with his guy friend for over a month. He is coming to couples therapy BUT refuses to speak to me outside of that office and remains very angry with me. He has told me numerous times that our marriage is over or that he’s no longer in it. I am working on myself like all the books say but he can’t see it because he is no longer in our home with me. Is it possible for the marriage to be saved when he is so negative about the relationship and wants a divorce? I have read / listened to Mort’s program but the techniques were not working on him. Is this a hopeless situation?

    • I don’t think he is angry at you or at your relationship. I think he is angry at himself and has a lot of guilt to deal with. Every time he sees you he is reminded of the promise you made each other when you got married – a promise he is not keeping. I think that if you manage to see the pain that he is carrying, you will see him differently and he will feel it and soften up. Nothing is ever hopeless, but sometimes we need a lot more patience than we think we have.

  6. My husband has been separated for a year now he has file for divorce and I got served with divorce paper. What should I do cause I still love him so much and want to save this marriage?

  7. Hi,
    I am in same situation. My husband had an affair 1.5 yrs ago. I have forgiven him but I can’t seem to get that trust back. He is frustrated of me asking questions and not trusting him. It’s causing lots of arguments between us. He wants divorce and I have begged and done everything to keep him in the relationship but he has firm decision on leaving me and my son. I am strong personality and I have impulsiveness when it comes to reacting. So he doesn’t like that and also the trust issues post affair.

    I came away for a week with my son to my parents house 8 hours away but still he hasn’t changed his mind. I am going back to Home Friday. I am not sure how to act and live in the same house when he has so much hatred towards me and wants divorce. I still love him and I told him I don’t want this he just gets more angry and says I am giving Him hard time. I am not sure what to do. I want my marriage to workout.

  8. Although this is a women’s blog, I am a man having a rough time in my marriage.
    All of our problems came as a result of my own stupidity. After 15 years of marriage, our relationship became stale. We have a child who at the time was around 3. Because of his demands, my wife began sleeping with him because he was constantly up all night. He began to control everything in our lives. I had a facebook page with some women friends ( some of which I didnt know personally ) , but I began to comment on their posts. Nothing of a sexual nature, but inappropriate nontheless. I felt like my wife had no interest in me any longer, so I figured it didnt matter much. When she went on my page and saw the comments, she was devastated. I didnt try to hook up with any of them, I guess I just needed attention.
    We started working through all of that and seemed to be getting over it and repairing the damage. I had deleted all social media, but after a while she suddenly told me that she has become cold and wasnt in love with me any more.
    For about 3 or 4 months life was a living hell, but for the last month or so, we have started to become friends again, but she still isnt intimate with me other than occasional sex without emotion. She says that she needs to figure out how to open her heart up to me again and thinks that moving out for a while will clear her head.
    I have done everything I can to assure her that I love her. I even found out that through all this I love her more than I thought I could. I dont want to lose her, and she says she wants it to work out, too. I cant get her to seek any sort of help, she thinks she can do it on her own. All I know to do is continue to love and support her in every way. I could use some help myself though because i’m going nuts.

  9. My husband works overseas and he has recently told me he has been seeing someone else and she is practically living with him.we have been married 22years.she is from Philippines and he is english and much older than her. He came home to the UK f for three weeks over the last year. He refuses to answer my calls and text messages. What does the future hold. I don’t want a divorce.

  10. I came across your blog in Pinterest in one of my darkest moments.
    My boyfriend of almost 4 years and I were having a really rough go. It seemed hopeless for things to turn around. I think we both knew it was over but we still stayed for the kids and for the hope that things would change. Early last month he broke up with me and a week later when he didn’t come home from a Work Christmas party things got ugly. He happened to leave his phone laying around after telling me repeatedly that he was with his guy friends. When I looked through his messages I discovered he had been sleeping with a co worker and slept with her just 3 days after breaking up with me. He took her as his date to his company Christmas party. Hours after he said we were done he was already talking to her via text in a sexual way. Even with the proof in my hands he still lied to my face and told me he did not do anything with her. After finally confessing to his infidelity I then found out there were many more women he was talking to and in ways he had never talked to me through our whole relationship, sending photos videos, and sexts. I was heart broken, sick to my stomach and I felt so worthless. He even spoke to the woman he slept with about children and a future which to my surprise he told me he did not want more children. These women he was talking to were women he worked with, women on his Facebook, Instagram and snap chat.
    My hardest question in all of this has been why didn’t you leave me? Why did you talk to all of these women for months and months and stay with me. How could you live on so quickly after 4 years. And why were you so quick to sleep with one of them upon breaking up with me. (I didn’t mention they slept together 3-4 times in that week and him and I had not in a while let alone not more than once a month). I found out he was self pleasuring himself all the time, messaging these women while he was sitting right next to me telling them he was alone. I never had reason to not trust him so it never even came to mind.
    I swore up and down I would not take him back as I could not get an honest truth from him. He begged and pleaded for me to trust him. He asked me to forgive him and to love him for who he is and who he wants to be with me and to move past all of this. He cried I cried. It was the hardest moment of my life. At first I was reluctant to say no but I have never felt so broken over anyone. Upon talking with one another we realized that we were having an action/reaction based problems. Basically I was pulling away from him and hurting him because I felt neglected in many ways by him. I felt neglected physically and emotionally by him so I pulled away from him, started shutting him out and I began to be belligerent and mean to him treating him like one of the children in the house. He stated my pulling away lead him to reach out to others to seek what he thought he needed. This first month of re-establishing my life with him has been one of the most amazing yet trying times of my life. We both realize that if we don’t get it right this time there cannot be another time to get it right and fix things.
    At first he would not let me see his phone, said he was going to be friends with these women at his work including the one he had relations with. I explained that this would not work if he wanted me to be able to trust. After not pushing and focusing on the big picture he has deleted almost all social media, gave me access to his phone and even had me to his work to introduce me to co workers and stopped talking to these women. He has been affectionate and loving and understanding. We have communicated and enjoyed each other more in this month than we have in the last few years. It has truly been amazing. Something has clicked this time and I can honestly say it feels different than any other time we have ever tried to fix things. I for the first time in a long time am hopeful. However in my darkest moments my mind wanders and that’s what makes things hard for me. It’s typically when he is on his phone and I hear it ring or he gets a text message or when we have to go seperate ways. I’m not sure this part will ever go away. My stomach pits when I have to leave his side. I’ve given myself moments when thinking about him with her and talking to these women are allowed and it’s 15 minutes a day in my drive home from work as it can not control me but I can control it. Some days are harder than others and I wonder if I’m ever going to fully get over this. I understand that to get over it, move on and be happy as I am trying to do requires me to let go of the past. It’s just so hard especially knowing some of them work with him. In my darkest moments I found your blog. I believe that it was the light in my dark and I just wanted to share my story and my journey. Although it’s just beginning of us fixing things, reading your blog helps me to see things in a different perspective and I wanted to say thank you for sharing and thank you for caring enough to help others get through and past what they are going through.

    • Thank you Annie, for sharing your story with us. I’m sure these dark clouds will go away and your relationship will be better than it ever was. Sometimes we need a big storm to appreciate the good weather…

  11. My husband filled for divorce and I have been doing every thing you said and nothing is working. I just asked him if he would leave because I can’t take it anymore. I can’t move on and make myself better when he is here all the time. What do you think?

    • I know…working on yourself while “reality” is in your face 24/7 is very hard. If you feel you can’t stay balanced while he is around than yes – I would ask him to leave (but without anger or accusations).

  12. Hello,
    I was so desperate looking for an answer or explanation to all what happened to me until I found you
    Can you help me or guide me because i feel like im loosing my mind
    I got married 3 years ago to a guy very sweet and nice we were together all the time we were happy we tried to get pregnant because he loves kids and loved me so much wanted to have a big family together but I couldn’t for no reason
    We kept trying together until feb 2017 I suspect he is cheating talking to his ex and I talked to him he declined it and left the house for over a month
    During this month he visited me at least 2 times a week also called and supported me in everything after that he came home apologized and I accepted him back
    We were happy again and I found out i was pregnant on june he was really happy and told everyone we were planning the name the room the clothes everything
    On aug first I started a training in my job to get a promotion and i was busy all the time plus my pregnancy was really hard
    He started go out with his brother in law everyday untill 2 am or 3 am
    When i asked him he always said we were at the restaurant or bar just us , i called him FaceTime once he answered from the bathroom and didn’t wants to go inside the restaurant
    I was so confused is he cheating again while we r happy and im pregnant
    He was cheating yes on aug 30 he came home around 5 am drunk and slept on the couch i went to see him he was asleep I checked his phone and I received immediate text msg from the credit card company that he used his card to pay for a hotel
    I didn’t know what to do i woke him up and asked him he declined and we start arguing then i asked him to leave the house he left and never came again its been 20 days
    He know im by myself and don’t have family or alot of friends he never called or came he took his clothes while i was at work
    I asked him to come home to talk and fix everything for the kid sake but he refused and said he doesn’t want me anymore he wants a divorce
    I told him I forgive him and we can start new for the kid he didnt answer me , he is with new girl older have a teenage girl he is with her all the time even she posted pictures of them with the date that the met, it was when we were together
    I spoke to his family told them everything unfortunately everyone in his side they just cut me
    He said he will take my kid from me i dont need to worry and I told him I can’t give up our kid
    I dont know what to do i feel i lost him thats it he blocked me everywhere opened a single bank account stopped adding money or support my in any way
    Should i wait for him or just leave him file a divorce or travel with my family i dont know im lost
    I send a msg to his girlfriend i told her do u know he is married his wife is pregnant and they were in love until last 2 weeks she read everything and blocked me

  13. My husband left me three months ago, we have two children together. He just moved into an apartment of his own one month ago. He hasn’t actually said he wants a divorce, but his behavior says otherwise. He doesn’t communicate with me at all, he only sees our children maybe once every two or three weeks. I do not want a divorce, I still love my husband very much. We have been married 11 years and dated 7 years before that. He seems to be very interested in going out with his friends all the time, we are both 37. I don’t know what to do, I’m trying to focus on our children right now, but I feel like he so distant. He does still pay all the bills. Very sad and confused. Any Advice?

  14. Dear Lisa,

    he broke up with me out of the blue because he has an affair and wants a divorce. We never talked, so I would like to meet him, because I wrote him a good bye letter that I would like to read to him. No accusations at all, just wanted to thank him for the last 13 years.
    Do you think that’s a bad idea? What would you say to him? Or should I cancel the meeting (it was my idea and he was okay with it).

    Thank you so much for your help!

      • So, I read my letter to him yesterday. Finally after all those weeks an emotional reaction.
        He cried like a baby (I cried, too) and said he was sorry, that he hurt me.
        I did not get any answers after all, as I expected. Just big silence. And 3 hours of talking about what happened in our lives since the break up, like nothing ever happend. But that’s ok. At least I know now that he is not that cold about everything as he seemed to be. He is looking for an appartment for himself now, but is still in an relationship with her. The divorce has no rush, he says.
        What do you think should I do next?

        Thank you so much!

        • I think that you should keep this positive attitude, and stand back and let things happen, while, again, focusing on yourself. He is processing things now, and the more calm and friendly you stay, the more he’ll be able to make the right decisions, without any pressure and guilt.

  15. Hi Lisa!

    It’s me again. I feel like we have taken several steps back the past few days. I am trying to be as nice and calm as possible with my husband. I am also trying to be incredibly honest with him and really listen to him. He has noticed a change. He states that he still has issues trusting me and is still checked out and done with our marriage. I did not ask him about this, he just brought it up. He states that when he looks at me he still has issues getting past the way I was for the past 3 years. I have a lot of issues with emotional regulation and would have outbursts towards him. I am finally getting the REAL help that I need for it. I have been in therapy for years, but I am finally getting the right therapy that helps with the outbursts and effective communication. He states he is still fearful that I will become spiteful and angry during the divorce proceeding and I reassured him that I am not going to do that and he still has difficult trusting. He is a “I will believe it when I see it” kind of guy. I am just going to do my best during the divorce proceedings and be calm and reassuring to him and not be spiteful and angry to really prove to him that I am no longer that person that I was 3 years ago. He states that he has emotional damage from the past 3 years. He states that the only way I can make amends to him and have a clean slate is to stick to my word of how I will act during the divorce and basically keep my promises. I just don’t know what to do at this point. I am happy with myself and the person that I see in the mirror. I love my husband dearly and I feel that this situation is now hopeless and I will lose him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

    • I think that even if you go through with the divorce this doesn’t mean that you won’t get back together. Just keep being yourself, and focus on yourself, and do not try to make amends or anything that does not feel natural to you.
      A relationship is a 2 sided thing and you are not the only one to blame here, no matter what he says to you.

      • Thank you Lisa. We will also be doing mediation for the divorce. This will be the chance for both of us to show each other that we are capable of working on something difficult collaboratively and that we are keeping to our pact that we want to be friends and amicable through this. His concern is that I will get “nasty” through the divorce and take him to the cleaners. To be honest, that is the LAST thing I want to do because that is not me and that would not make ME feel good. He has trust issues. All I can do (like you said) is focus on myself and continuing to make myself happy and in turn be kind and supportive to my husband as well, because I am a firm believer of treating others the way that you would want to be treated. I have also been sober for 11 years and going back to AA meetings has been a huge support to keep me grounded. Thank you Lisa for all of your words and wisdom. I just need to keep myself grounded and calm and happy

  16. Thank you Lisa for this! My husband has already filed for divorce and I still love him very much. I took your advice and started working on myself and I FEEL better. I recently did a women’s retreat that helped me look deep into myself and I realized how my feelings from childhood of feeling lonely, a disappointment and fear for asking for help have carried over into all my relationships. I used to put blame on my spouse for making me feel that way. I made myself feel that way. He’s a great person and I realized my perception of him due to my past hurts was incorrect. We have been acting like best friends recently and made a pact that we would be friends through this and that we want our families to stay out of the divorce. He’s noticed that there was a huge change in me since coming back from this retreat. He even asked me if I had started seeing someone else and said “I would be lying if I said it wouldn’t bother me if you were.” Also last night I got held up due to a phone conversation with a friend when I went to go pick up dinner for my husband and myself. He got nervous and thought I used the phone conversation as an excuse to go meet up with someone. He seems genuinely hurt and has major trust issues. He always smiles now when he sees me and brings up old memories, even sexual ones! I always try to smile, ask him how he is and really listen when he talks to me. Am I on the right path?? Before I was the one who was nervous that he was with someone else, but when I started focusing energy on myself that slipped away. He is now wondering if I am seeing someone else…he wasn’t like this a month ago

    • Wow, you’ve just made my day. 🙂 I’m so proud of you! I wish more people could use this advice and see the results like you do.
      You don’t have to ask me if you are on the right path. You already know the answer for this deep inside.
      I will tell you this though: the moment you realize you are HAPPY and satisfied with your life, no matter if he is with you or not, that’s when you’ll become completely irresistible for him.
      Do you understand why? I think you do. Because this is what freedom feels like. For you and for him. And every couple wants that.
      Good luck and have a great-great life!

      • Thank you Lisa! It’s still a sticky situation and I am trying to give him space as well and decided to stay with my parents for a few days. Right now he’s still planning on going ahead with the divorce and we have a meeting with an attorney next week since the paperwork was already filed. I told him I want him to be happy and if this is what he wants to be happy then I support and respect it, which is completely different then what I used to do. He said that he feels that is very strong of me. I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing and see what the future holds 🙂

  17. He started an affair after we were going through a tough time together. Being forced to move out our old house and living with his brother who had lost his job and got back from another country with his whole family for 2 years was just overwhelming untill they got on their feet.

    This was tough for both of us. Dealing with needy relatives and one of our child went through kidney problem under went suggery and we were broke.

    Though things got around but the tenssion drove us apart. I believe we love each other since the sex is great and we are good company.

    But we only live separate lives. Not yet divorced but in communication and he has moved in with another woman.

    Is there hope for me or us ever getting back together?

    • Naima,

      I think there is always hope for getting back together. Try to focus on being good friends now, because this is the basis of any good relationship. Be friends and have fun together, even if you only talk on the phone. If you rebuild your friendship, anything can happen.

      All the best to you,


  18. Lisa, thank you for all your work on this topic.

    My ex and father of my four year old has been gone for over nine months.

    He is seeing a younger woman who also has children. She has not committed to him yet but he still sees her and is trying for her.
    We where together for almost 12 years.

    My question is when is it too late or time to give up on trying to get him to come back?

    I have had other men interested in me and ask me out on dates but I am still in love with him so I turned all the other men away. The last nine months have been so painful and like hell on earth.

    I am almost 39 and I can’t get over him. I turn other men away. I am scared by the time I am over him if he doesn’t come back, that I will be too old and almost impossible to find someone else.

    • Aileen,

      I think you should date other men, even if you don’t feel like it.
      You can always turn them away if you don’t like them, it’s not like you’re committing to anything.
      I think we should always keep our door open for new things and try not to hang on to the past. You never know what can happen.
      Most importantly, try to leave fear out. Fear will only stop you from living. There’s nothing to be afraid of. People find love in any age.
      I hope this helps.

    • Oh, for Gods sake, do explore these men asking you out for a date! This page is awkward. “Oh, how do I get my cheating husband back?” Of course self-evaluation is good, but if a man betrays me I would rather be this more lovely woman in a new relationship.

  19. I know,
    For Change I have to Change.
    It doesn’t matter what sex you are and I didn’t know this was a woman’s site because I am the husband looking for help.
    I hear, she’s happy where she is at but I want more,
    Is that Selfish?
    Researching about this issue I am finding a lot about myself.
    Finding out about her personality type I found out about mine and that is almost spooky how accurate it is.
    So I’ll keep digging into this topic.
    Thanks for the great reminder in your topic.


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