Emotionally Unavailable Husband? Here’s What to Do

“I don’t understand how this happened to us.”

Our friends used to get disgusted by how touchy-feely we were. At dinner parties we used to insist on sitting next to each other.”

When we walked down the street we always held hands. And all those little but great things he used to do for me. Where are they now? Where are we? I’m suddenly sharing my life with an emotionally unavailable husband and my marriage is freezing to death!

All I really want is for him to hold me, to be with me like nothing else in the world matters, or exists – Like he used to. But he just retreats to the garage, or ignores me while watching TV for hours or disappearing with his “buddies” for the most of the weakened.”

Can you relate to this?

Dealing with an Emotionally Unavailable Husband

Intimacy and sharing used to be natural and easy for you two. Now it’s no touching, no kissing, no sharing, barely any talking. What happened in between?

Well, many things happened.

Children happened. Financial stress happened. Daily chores, struggles and conflicts happened. LIFE happened.

Believe me, you’re not the first woman to find herself with an emotionally unavailable husband. And It’s not your fault: it’s easy for couples to fall into bad relationship patterns.

I can guarantee that BOTH of you have made many mistakes along the way. The point is to avoid dwelling on what happened, but find out how to fix it NOW.

Secrets to Make Him Open Up

ONE crucially important thing is going wrong in your relationship.

But once you get it right, you’ll open the gate to a passionate, deeply fulfilling and loving relationship with your man…that lasts.

The secret to melting his heart is to eliminate the destructive ingredients that are keeping you away from each other. And the most destructive ingredient is – contempt.

Let me give you an example.

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Okay, so you and your man have gotten into an argument.

Are you simply disagreeing or are you yelling and screaming at each other? Is it getting personal? Do you feel you’re always defending yourself and he always attacks? Has anybody been brought to tears?

When even the smallest argument becomes personal, when you start attacking each other and showing your contempt to each other, a vicious cycle begins.

If you show contempt, he’ll show contempt too, and then you’ll get into a destructive game of trying to one-up each other for the worst put down.

This is a damaging cycle that you want to avoid at ALL costs.

Honey vs. Vinegar

My mother always said (and she was right) – You catch more bees with honey.

You can always choose from 2 ways of saying something:

One is sweet like honey; the other is tart like vinegar.

For example, if you’re arguing and he says, “You know, you’re so clingy,” stop yourself from reacting defensively and trying to come up with your own zinger to “one-up” him.

That will only feed the vicious cycle.

Instead, go for the honey-sweet approach: take a deep breath, count to five… and then calmly say, “If you feel you need more space, then let’s discuss that.”

Trust me; your “emotionally unavailable husband” will almost fall off the couch with shock, by your “new” way of reacting.

You just took the heat out of his fire, and instead showed him you care.  That will remind him that you’re the dream girl he first fell in love with – warm, caring and loving.

I know it can be extremely hard, especially if he is personally attacking you. But trust me – You can do this. This is where this process HAS to start.

You can’t control what HE says and what HE does, but you can control what YOU say and do.

And this ultimately influences how your man reacts and whether this is just a bump in the road or an unmitigated relationship disaster.

(Read: Right vs. Wrong in marriage communication)

The Next Step

Think about the destructive habits that you may have right now and how to turn them around with some honey.

To have a successful relationship, one that draws your man to you like a bee to honey, avoid those destructive relationship ingredients – such as tart words – and substitute them with a little honey.

With a little practice, it’ll become a second nature.

The more you use honey, the more likely your relationship will be successful – and the envy of your friends.

Follow this advice and pretty soon, you and your man will be that “perfect couple” that everyone ELSE envies.

Rooting for ya,

 Lisa