I hope you forgive my morbid analogy, but marital problems are like cancer. The earlier you detect it and treat it, the more chances you have to beat it and survive.
Marriage problems are the same. If you address your problems early on and solve them on time, you dramatically increase the survival chances of your relationship.
If you put it off and wait for the problems disappear on their own, don’t be surprised to be heading straight to divorce.
To be aware to your relationship troubles is not enough. It’s like knowing that you have cancer and not do anything about it. And you can’t do it alone; you need outside help – Professional help.
Marital Problems? 6 Signs That You Need Couples Counseling Now
This is a list of the most dangerous marital problems; those that left unsolved will most likely end your marriage. If you have one or more of these problems, it’s time to seek some kind of marriage counseling, or couples therapy – Right now.
Sign #1 – Lack of Communication and Support
Two recent studies, published in the American Journal of Family Psychology, found that couples who went on to divorce were more likely to be poorer communicators, and tended to display more negative emotions and support mechanisms than people who stayed married.
For example, the couples who went on to divorce were more likely to use blame and invalidation in their communication efforts. They were more likely to discourage a spouse from expressing his or her feelings, and to display “inappropriate pessimism.” Husbands who were more verbally aggressive early on were also more likely to be part of couples who went on to divorce later. (Source is here)
No problem in a marriage can be solved without open, honest communication. Lack of personal, intimate exchange in a marriage is a very bad sign.
Sign#2 – Marriage Resembles a Battlefield
No matter how in love you used to be and how much fun you used to have, many of us wake up one morning and realize that the marriage has turned into a battlefield (Very often – After having children).
Lines are drawn; you stick to your guns on every issue. You dig in on your side; your husband digs in on the other side. Neither of you will budge.
This pushes all your intimacy away and you no longer enjoy his company.
With time, you find yourself taking a “side” opposite your spouse. This damages the very foundation of your marriage. When “We” turns into “me” is a definite reason to seek marriage therapy immediately.
Sign #3 – The Wrong “Fighting Style”
Seven long term studies have found that that the way that a couple handles conflicts can predict if they will end up divorcing. The studies included people from all ranges on the marriage spectrum, from newlyweds to long-term marriages.
While fighting is normal in any relationship, and even essential (because no two people will ever agree about everything), your “fighting” style can predict if the marriage can survive the conflicts or not. These are the signs that your conflict resolution process requires urgent help:
- When conflict emerges, you wait until things build up and than explode. You or your partner talks down to you and criticizes you harshly. One or both of you are simply mean to each other.
- You or your spouse do not express yourself directly, but beat around the bush hoping the other side will “get it”and you constantly bring up past hurts.
- A simple disagreement is always escalated and getting out of control.
Sign #4 – Relationship Stagnation
Are you one of many couples out there who, every night, sit across the dinner table from one another (if you still have dinner together) and wonder “who is this person I am living with? Why did I marry him?
When a marriage falls into stagnation, it’s because somewhere along the line one or both of you stopped taking care of it. Nothing is really “wrong” with our marriage; it’s just boring and stuck. You have to work to pay the bills, maybe you have kids to take care of, and/or sick, elderly parents who require your care and attention. You don’t have time to spend with your spouse.
If your relationship doesn’t continue to grow, it’s wallowing. This is a dangerous seed that needs to be attended to. Marriage stagnation is why a marriage breaks down. You care about everything else but the marriage and it will be sacrificed as a result
Sign #5 – Little to No Sex Life
The breakdown of your sex life is one of the most recognized signs of a failing marriage. Sexual intimacy is critical for the bond between a husband and a wife.
To put is simply, a marriage without sex will, at some point, end up in divorce or being a marriage of convenience. The next step is usually an emotional and/or physical affair.
If your husband has a low sex drive – My article about Sexless Marriage will help YOU. If you are the one losing interest in sex, my post titled “I Love My Husband but I Don’t Want Sex Anymore” may interest you.
Sign #6 – The Bad Overweighs the Good
Most of us are able to look deep inside and answer this question truthfully: Is there more bad than good in our marriage?
If the answer is yes, your marriage is in trouble and you need marriage counseling of some sort. The cancer will grow and eat up your marriage until it’s over, if you don’t act and do something right now.
If you are hesitant about traditional marriage counseling (many of us are) because of the high costs, the lack of privacy, availability and comfort, you have other options.
The first option is a marriage saving program online, which is a step by step self-help book (plus work book) that shows you exactly what and how to resolve your marital problems. It costs less than one session of marriage therapy and it can be just as effective (it was for me anyway).
The second option is online marriage counseling, which is also much less expensive (because you usually per minute) and you can do it from home at your preferred time and with total privacy (you can learn more about this option – Right Here).
What ever you decide to do – Just do it. Don’t let the marriage cancerous problems doom your relationship and don’t wait until it’s too late. There are some points in a marriage when nothing can help it anymore, but you can prevent yourself from getting there.
Don’t wait, act NOW.
Rooting for ya,
Lisa
Will you share this post? (Thank you!)
🙂 Great advice all! My hubby and I have been going through a “rough patch” and if I had read this before we got there, I wonder if this would have prompted me to action. The reality is though, that many husbands will not go to counseling unless there is a crisis, {my husband wouldn’t}, and when the crisis came, he was shocked, despite the obvious signs (me telling him it was coming)… I don’t know if there is a way around that… but this is a great list! 🙂
Hi AJ:)
I know, most husbands don’t like the idea of counseling, but luckily there are a ways to deal with a crisis without counseling.
How are you doing now? How are you dealing with it?
Great list of things to look out for. An idea for a future post could be early warning signs that would indicate you were headed for a problem. Often if we are able to recognize the early signs we can correct issues in our marriages before they become serious.
Also, I’m happy to be your newest follower! I’d love it if you could take a second to check out my blog and follow me back 🙂
Thanks so much,
Tyson@Uplifting Love
Great tips, Lisa! Quick question for you on sign #3? Do you really think it’s a must that all couples fight? I wonder if you think it’s possible to disagree with one another, in total respect, and learn to communicate in such a way that doesn’t necessarily lead to fighting? A friend of mine told me recently how she struggled because her husband hates confrontation and she likes to talk it out. My response to her was, “Conversation is not confrontation. Your husband hates the version that comes with the drama.” I don’t pose this to disagree with this point but maybe to add a slightly different viewpoint on the thought that fighting is a must in any relationship. I certainly hope that’s not the case :).
Thanks Fawn and I agree with every word!:)
Thank you so much for your grace. 🙂
I totally agree! As the old saying goes, “prevention is better than cure.” Love the article, very informative! 🙂
Visiting you from the Happy Wives Club Link Up.
Thanks for sharing about these signs of marriage needing counseling at Wedded Wed. I love an article that has practical ways to apply and identify a problem, Lisa. It makes it much more likely that people will act on this new knowledge. I did want to ask, however, do you know that your “connection” bar floats on top of your text on the left side? It makes it really hard to read your content here. Maybe it’s just my browser, but if not, I’d try to remedy that. You have great content and I wouldn’t want anyone to miss out on it because of not being able to easily read your articles. 🙂
I agree.The earlier the problems can be detected,the earlier it can be resolve too specially in marriage.The six signs that you shared were great.I learned a lot.Thanks for sharing.