I hope you forgive my morbid analogy, but marital problems are like cancer. The earlier you detect it and treat it, the more chances you have to beat it and survive.
Marriage problems are the same. If you address your problems early on and solve them on time, you dramatically increase the survival chances of your relationship.
If you put it off and wait for the problems disappear on their own, don’t be surprised to be heading straight to divorce.
To be aware to your relationship troubles is not enough. It’s like knowing that you have cancer and not do anything about it. And you can’t do it alone; you need outside help – Professional help.
Marital Problems? 6 Signs That You Need Couples Counseling Now
This is a list of the most dangerous marital problems; those that left unsolved will most likely end your marriage. If you have one or more of these problems, it’s time to seek some kind of marriage counseling, or couples therapy – Right now.
Sign #1 – Lack of Communication and Support
Two recent studies, published in the American Journal of Family Psychology, found that couples who went on to divorce were more likely to be poorer communicators, and tended to display more negative emotions and support mechanisms than people who stayed married.
For example, the couples who went on to divorce were more likely to use blame and invalidation in their communication efforts. They were more likely to discourage a spouse from expressing his or her feelings, and to display “inappropriate pessimism.” Husbands who were more verbally aggressive early on were also more likely to be part of couples who went on to divorce later. (Source is here)
No problem in a marriage can be solved without open, honest communication. Lack of personal, intimate exchange in a marriage is a very bad sign.
Sign#2 – Marriage Resembles a Battlefield
No matter how in love you used to be and how much fun you used to have, many of us wake up one morning and realize that the marriage has turned into a battlefield (Very often – After having children).
Lines are drawn; you stick to your guns on every issue. You dig in on your side; your husband digs in on the other side. Neither of you will budge.
This pushes all your intimacy away and you no longer enjoy his company.
With time, you find yourself taking a “side” opposite your spouse. This damages the very foundation of your marriage. When “We” turns into “me” is a definite reason to seek marriage therapy immediately.
Sign #3 – The Wrong “Fighting Style”
Seven long term studies have found that that the way that a couple handles conflicts can predict if they will end up divorcing. The studies included people from all ranges on the marriage spectrum, from newlyweds to long-term marriages.
While fighting is normal in any relationship, and even essential (because no two people will ever agree about everything), your “fighting” style can predict if the marriage can survive the conflicts or not. These are the signs that your conflict resolution process requires urgent help:
- When conflict emerges, you wait until things build up and than explode. You or your partner talks down to you and criticizes you harshly. One or both of you are simply mean to each other.
- You or your spouse do not express yourself directly, but beat around the bush hoping the other side will “get it”and you constantly bring up past hurts.
- A simple disagreement is always escalated and getting out of control.
Sign #4 – Relationship Stagnation
Are you one of many couples out there who, every night, sit across the dinner table from one another (if you still have dinner together) and wonder “who is this person I am living with? Why did I marry him?
When a marriage falls into stagnation, it’s because somewhere along the line one or both of you stopped taking care of it. Nothing is really “wrong” with our marriage; it’s just boring and stuck. You have to work to pay the bills, maybe you have kids to take care of, and/or sick, elderly parents who require your care and attention. You don’t have time to spend with your spouse.
If your relationship doesn’t continue to grow, it’s wallowing. This is a dangerous seed that needs to be attended to. Marriage stagnation is why a marriage breaks down. You care about everything else but the marriage and it will be sacrificed as a result
Sign #5 – Little to No Sex Life
The breakdown of your sex life is one of the most recognized signs of a failing marriage. Sexual intimacy is critical for the bond between a husband and a wife.
To put is simply, a marriage without sex will, at some point, end up in divorce or being a marriage of convenience. The next step is usually an emotional and/or physical affair.
If your husband has a low sex drive – My article about Sexless Marriage will help YOU. If you are the one losing interest in sex, my post titled “I Love My Husband but I Don’t Want Sex Anymore” may interest you.
Sign #6 – The Bad Overweighs the Good
Most of us are able to look deep inside and answer this question truthfully: Is there more bad than good in our marriage?
If the answer is yes, your marriage is in trouble and you need marriage counseling of some sort. The cancer will grow and eat up your marriage until it’s over, if you don’t act and do something right now.
If you are hesitant about traditional marriage counseling (many of us are) because of the high costs, the lack of privacy, availability and comfort, you have other options.
The first option is a marriage saving program online, which is a step by step self-help book (plus work book) that shows you exactly what and how to resolve your marital problems. It costs less than one session of marriage therapy and it can be just as effective (it was for me anyway).
The second option is online marriage counseling, which is also much less expensive (because you usually per minute) and you can do it from home at your preferred time and with total privacy (you can learn more about this option – Right Here).
What ever you decide to do – Just do it. Don’t let the marriage cancerous problems doom your relationship and don’t wait until it’s too late. There are some points in a marriage when nothing can help it anymore, but you can prevent yourself from getting there.
Don’t wait, act NOW.
Rooting for ya,
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