Funny wedding anniversary quotes can be a delightfully humorous way to acknowledge and celebrate your anniversary.
After all, marriage is hard, funny, and sometimes unthinkable (i.e. you probably know way too much about his bodily functions)
Use these funny and relatable quotes and anniversary wishes as text messages, Facebook status or any way you’d like – to have a good laugh together on this special day.
71 Funny Wedding Anniversary Quotes
Below you’ll find clever and funny quotes, words, and wishes you can text, message or post on social media to celebrate your wedding anniversary and your marriage.
👉 Let’s start off with some general observations about marital “bliss”:
In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
– Woody Allen
A marriage anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance, and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.
For Marriage to Be a Success, Every Woman and Every Man Should Have Her and His Own Bathroom. The End.
– Catherine Zeta-Jones
If two people love each other, nothing is impossible. Except deciding where to eat.
When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. That tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
– Katharine Hepburn
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead… get married. If you first don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you.
Marriage is just texting each other – “do we need anything from the grocery store?” – until one of you dies.
Wedding anniversaries are a time when men pause and reflect on what it was they did before they were married: anything they wanted to.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
– Rita Rudner
Marriage is basically just whispering, “Are you awake? I need to show you this cat video.
Marriage Has No Guarantees. If That’s What You’re Looking for, Go Live with A Car Battery.
– Erma Bombeck
An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
– Agatha Christie
Husbands are the best people to share a secret with because they never listen anyway.
Behind every great man – there’s a woman rolling her eyes.
– Jim Carrey
Unless you want to forget your marriage, it’s a good idea to remember your anniversary.
– Melanie White
Drug stores understand life. That’s why the Anniversary cards and Sympathy cards are right next to each other.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho Marx
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing… she goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
– Henry Youngman
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
– Phyllis Diller
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong – admit it.
Whenever you’re right – shut up.
Marriage: when dating goes too far.
Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else.
– Jean Kerr
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late.
I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.
– Elizabeth Evans
The four most important words in any marriage: I’ll do the dishes.
Marriage is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.
Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlists.
– James Garner
Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener
If We Take Matrimony at Its Lowest, We Regard It as A Sort of Friendship Recognized by The Police.
– Robert Louis Stevenson
👉 Want to send him your love? see my list of 100+ love text messages – for him!
Hilarious Wedding Anniversary Wishes for Your Spouse
Here are some super funny anniversary wishes you can text your husband or post on your Facebook status:
1. “Happy Anniversary to the best first husband I’ll ever have.”
2. “A wedding band is the smallest handcuff ever made, I’m glad I chose my cellmate wisely.”
3. “You’re my favorite pain in the ass”
4. “And here I thought you were just a one-night stand. Happy anniversary!”- Pauline Thomason
5. “I shave my legs for you. It must be love.”
👉 See my list of 18 cute (sometimes naughty) ways to flirt with your husband 😊
6. “Well, we made it another year without one of us either ending up dead or in jail.”
7. “Happy anniversary! Just imagine if our marriage was functional as you make it appear on Facebook.”
8. “I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.”
9. “On our anniversary, I want you to know how much I’ve enjoyed annoying you all this time and how excited I am to keep doing it in the future.”
10. “I’m so privileged that you chose me to be that special woman in your life who will forever have the honor of picking up your socks and washing your underwear.”
11. “I vow to still grab your butt when you’re old and wrinkly.”
12. “I still love you. Even though you fart in your sleep.”
13. “Happy Anniversary! Now if I can just remember your birthday this year.”
14. “My dear husband, I want you. To do more around the house.”
15. “I hope you keep grabbing my butt every time you look for the remote.”
16. “I fall in love with you each and every day. Except for yesterday. Yesterday you were really annoying.”
17. “All I want for next year is you. Just kidding, give me diamonds.”
18. “I love waking up next to you in the morning. Just don’t breathe on me.”
19. You have me, so I don’t know what else you could wish for. But knock yourself out.”
20. “Never laugh at your wife’s choices you are one of them.”
21. “One year down, freaking forever to go. Happy anniversary.”
22. “Happy anniversary! We’ve been through a lot and most of it was your fault.”
23. “Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. Then I remember, oh, I put up with you, so we’re even.
24. “I love you. Thanks for killing all the spiders this year.”
25. “Thanks for being my unpaid therapist.”
26. “Being married to you is like having a best friend who never listens to what you say.”
👉 See my list of 14 quotes about being ignored by someone you love.
27. “I know you appreciate the fact that before we were married you didn’t know there was a wrong way to put the milk back to the fridge.”
28. “Happy anniversary my love. Eat all the leftovers again and I will end you.”
29. “I love you so much I’d take a bullet for you. Not on the head…but maybe like…the leg”
30. “I love you more than carbs but less than cheese!”
31. “Sorry, no refunds. Happy anniversary!”
32. Happy anniversary day from the best thing that ever happened to you.”
33. “I Love You So Much I’d Fight a Bear for You. Well Not a Grizzly Bear Because They Have Claws, And Not a Panda Bear Because They Know Kung Fu… But A Care Bear, I’d Definitely Fight a Care Bear for You.”
10 Year Wedding Anniversary – Funny Wishes
And now, a few funny marriage quotes for those of us married for 10 years or more:
1. “Let’s do the one thing I really like to do in the bedroom. Vacuuming.”
2. “I really love you, etc. etc. etc. Can we eat now?”
3. “Overall, I love you more than I want to strangle you.”
4. “You’re still here? I like it.”
5. “After all this time, my love for you is still stronger than my desire to be single.”
6. “Holy shit. We’re still married!”
7. “There’s no one else I would rather snoring as hell beside me.”
8. “Let’s keep making memory after memory together; even though you’re losing yours.”
9. “Happy anniversary! I want to spend the rest of my money with you.”
10. “Congratulations on defying marriage statistics.
11. “Happy anniversary to my husband, who still looks at me the way he looks at other women.”
12. “Congratulations on choosing a spouse who makes you look sane.”
13. “Let’s never give up on trying to change each other.”
Do you have a favorite quote you’d like to share? go on, don’t keep it to yourself – use the comment section below!
Rooting for ya,