Looking back, I know I made virtually every possible mistakes a cheated wife could do after finding out about her husband’s 6-month emotional (& physical) affair.
The first mistake was NOT looking for a “how to Survive an affair book“ immediately.
How I Found Out about His Affair
I found out about it when he accidentally left his mail open. I think that subconsciously he wanted me to find out or he would have been much more careful with his private mail.
It’s still painful to be reminded of the emotions they shared, the physical intimacy and imagining them cuddling at her apartment (They emailed each other about that…).
Why This Program?
I made all the possible mistakes a shocked, angry and heart-broken wife can do. I immediately threw him out, without even thinking about what I’m going to say to our children.
I called my best friend and told her everything (If you don’t understand why this is a huge mistake – Read this article now), and after him begging for 2 weeks – I let him back in the house and became obsessed with finding out the REASON for his affair.
Digging and digging and getting nowhere.
All the while I tried to handle all of this by myself. Fighting off the haunting images of them together, spending most of my time spying on his every move, punishing him by silent treatments or angry fits.
I knew I still loved him deeply (though I wasn’t sure he still loves me) and that I wanted to give our marriage one more chance, at least for the sake of my children.
He tried to do his best to “make it up to me”.
He immediately broke it off with her, promised to be completely transparent, tried to explain what led him to do this, but nothing helped. I could see our marriage slowly fading away.
Only after 2 months of hell, I accidentally came across the Marriage Sherpa website. Something inside told me that I need emergency help, professional help, someone to tell me step by step what I have to do to survive an affair in my marriage.
I took a chance and bought the book. I was on a tight budget but I knew that if it turns out to be rubbish, there’s a money back guarantee, so I went ahead and bought it.
I felt I could breathe for the first time since this whole thing started. I realized the awful mistakes I made and how important it was to do exactly as described in book, step by step, if I wanted to salvage my marriage.
The next morning I woke up and started working. Working on myself, working on my marriage, feeling confident that we can get through this and restore the happiness and trust to our family.
This book is not theoretical and general. This is a practical step by step plan, with exercises and tasks you have to complete with each step.
Both of you have to do it, but the book will tell you how to do this even if you are the only one trying.
The 3 “Surviving an Affair” Phases according to Dr. Gunzburg
Phase I: Individual Healing
The first step of the first phase is how to manage the painful emotions. This is like the emergency room for the broken-hearted:
– How to cope with the initial trauma
– The 9 shock waves you will go through
– The four roadblocks to healing and a 2-step process for discovering hidden emotions (very important!) are a few of the things you will find in the first phase chapters.
You’ll also find how to heal yourself from obsessive images and negative thoughts, how to rebuild trust and transparency and much, much more.
Phase II: Healing As a Couple
After sorting out MY emotions, it was time to focus on US:
– How to prepare for recovery
– How to communicate your feelings to your husband
– 10 critical conversations you have to make with your spouse and how to protect your relationship from further harm.
Phase III: Negotiating a Renewed Relationship
How to restore the trust, 5 steps to total transparency in your marriage, 10 destructive habits that ruin the love and how to open your heart again are a few of the steps in this phase.
Note that this How to Survive an Affair book also has the steps and actions that the cheating spouse has to take and how he can handle his emotions before and after his affair. Also, this book has actual exercises and tasks that you have to complete, to make sure you are both doing the work and not just reading.
How Did This Book Save My Marriage?
I can honestly say that if I haven’t stumbled upon this book we would be definitely divorced right now and still fighting about money and custody.
It’s been 3 years since D-day and our marriage is better than it ever used to be. His affair and the work we were forced to do to save our marriage (using this book) has taught us the most important thing a marriage needs to have to last forever, and that is COMMUNICATION.
Knowing how to communicate is like a protecting wall around a marriage. Nothing can get in and destroy it.
I think you deserve the same.
It doesn’t matter if you get there by using Dr. Gunzburg’s “Survive an Affair” book or any other resource, as long as you do it NOW. If you think time will heal all, you are tragically mistaken.
Many women put off the healing process claiming they have to forgive and forget first, which is not true (and sometimes not possible).
If a marriage is left without outside help (and I don’t mean your mother in law) after an affair, it’s easy to be pushed past the breaking point, without intending to.
What about you? Are you going to take the first step in saving your marriage?
Rooting for ya,