Only those who have experienced living with an emotionally unavailable man can understand how painful it is not being able to get close to the one you love.
It seems that no matter what you do, he finds a way to create the distance.
Excuses, other activities, anger, criticism, anything that will keep you away from him emotionally.
It’s hard to describe how rejected, unimportant, depressed and alone it can make you feel.
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Was He Always Like This?
I’ll bet you had a gut feeling about this from the beginning of your relationship. The warning signs were there, right? (for example, he wasn’t too keen about commitment and the idea of marriage), but you brushed these signs off because you were in love.
Maybe you never saw it coming, because some men give the appearance of availability and speak openly about their feelings and their past.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t wake up one day married to a man who can’t really connect emotionally and has completely shut you out (of his heart).
10 Signs That Your Husband is Emotionally Unavailable
Here’s a list of 10 red flags that may signal emotional unavailability, followed by an answer to…”Can emotionally unavailable men CHANGE”?
1. Fight or Flight
He Rises disputes for silly reasons, and he is always angry about trivial aspects of your relationship. This is an easy way to create distance and avoid the important issues in your relationship and your life together.
2. Busy
He gets involved in so many projects that no energy is left for you. He prefers spending time with his buddies or generally other people other than you.
He doesn’t show up for you – Whether you have a work event or a reason to celebrate, he doesn’t show up to support you because he is emotionally closed up.
He tends to always talk about issues off the relationship, never wants to “talk about us”.
(Here’s how to get your husband to talk to you)
3. Overly Judgmental
He is always judgmental or too critical of your behavior, to produce humiliation and scorn.
4. No Sex Please
When a man is not interested in sex, a huge warning sign should pop up (unless he has physical or medical problems). Unfortunatel,y this may indicate that he is cheating or planning on cheating.
5. Drugs/Alcohol
Using drugs, alcohol or other addictions as barriers to intimacy
6. Angry Bird
He is always angry. He always concentrates on your “imperfections”. He may be rude to others too. He is never calm and satisfied.
7. Brick Wall
He is passive aggressive. He never responds to your anger or sadness. When trying to talk to him he is either extremely defensive or just shuts down and tunes out.
He seems to not appreciate you and doesn’t notice acts of kindness or nice gestures. You feel like a ghost in your own home. Unnoticed and unappreciated.
8. Control
He is inflexible, he won’t be inconvenienced to modify his routine, and he loathes compromises. The relationship seems to revolve around him.
9. Slippery
Trying to make a plan with him is like trying to catch a fish with your bare hands. Slippery and frustrating. He always busy, tired, stresses, depressed, or broke.
10. Voicemail
He doesn’t pick up the phone at work or answer him mobile phone when you call him. He only answers your texts and doesn’t want to share what he is doing or where he is. These are big red flags.
Can an Emotionally Unavailable Man Change?
If your spouse was always like this, even before you were married, it’s going to be hard to help him change (but still – possible).
Some men are emotionally unavailable because of their childhood, their relationship with their mother or even past traumatic relationships.
If your husband has become emotionally distant over time (due to problems in your marriage), the answer is definitely YES. He CAN change.
How to Break Down His Walls
Unfortunately, in many cases, these signs (especially if you find more than 3 signs) may indicate that he is seeing someone else.
If you suspect that he had an affair – see this article about what to do now.
It may seem far-fetched at this point, but you hold the key to the solution. Your personality, your actions and your words can quite easily (yes, easily!) transform him back to the loving and caring husband he used to be.
Believe it or not, you have the power to break through his emotional defenses so he wakes up to see the wonderful woman he has by his side.
What do you think? Is your spouse emotionally unavailable?
Rooting for ya,
Lisa
Agreed to nomen even after being a girl i m also reading this as i thought my man was emotionally unavailable but after reading this no signs were matched thankfully and after reading nomen’ s comment i guess the girls are more demanding they wont understand the man he has his personal life too he has his goals his ambitions his family so dont blame him if he is just spending few hours with you or if he cancelled the plan in the last minute after all the relationship is based on understanding and space important for both the partners to live happily together
I think the ladies here might want to consider the possibility that their man is unavailable because the female in the relationship constantly makes unreasonable demands, and is then unappreciative.
I know my ex thinks I was unavailable. But it is difficult to listen to whining and complaining after devoting hours of your day to taking care of their needs. Meanwhile, your own goals are forgotten. Unless you make room for them, by taking time back.
There’s only 24 hours in a day. A lady who isn’t pulling her weight should not be surprised when her partner runs out of time for dealing with her problems.
Hello! I had been an emotionally unavailable man in my prior marriage. Depressed and anxious I was at the 9th year of marriage due to job loss and raising three kids. I had trouble with my active listening skills as my now ex spouse used to hint around my emotional issues. It was all based on feelings of abandonment for as a child, I lost my mother to murder at age 1. My father re married and ended up an alcoholic and my step mother abused me to the level of concentration camp abuse. It was hard growing up in such a household so full of neglect and abuse. No wonder I have issues regarding long term intimate relationships. Understandably, I cannot turn back the hands of time to reinvent myself in the eyes of my former wife. I have changed quite a bit and I think it.is God’s calling that I change and allow muself to be vulnerable on a consistent basis. At present i am divorced and i miss my family so much. I have three little girls that kiss their daddy so much only to see them 4 days per month. Being brought up in such an unhealthy family life i can uderstand why i behave the way that i do at times. Being 45 now, i had experienced enough regression over the last two years that it is time for a change. I am frustrated and tired. I need a total transformation for i am truly a very loving and emotional man.
Thank you Beth for the kind words (as always…). Yes, unfortunately many women are heart broken to find out that their partner is not really emotionally unvailabale in general, just to them.
But I know from experience it can be reversed and solved, even when you think all hope is lost.
Thanks again for visiting, I always look forward to your comments:)
This is so interesting and full of helpful information, Lisa. I’m forwarding this on to a friend of mine who’s in a marriage with an emotionally unavailable man. She recently found out that he was having multiple affairs and they are now trying to seek God’s healing with the help of a counselor, church family, accountability partners, etc. to mend what has not only been broken but shattered. I know she’ll be interested in checking out the book as well. Thanks for linking this up at Wedded Wed. It’s a great one!