No matter how long you’ve been married, and no matter how long your marriage has been in trouble, you can never get quite prepared to hear that your husband doesn’t love you anymore.
How can make your husband love you again?
No matter how much you try to make things better, he refuses to talk to you, he refuses to listen to you, and he refuses counseling.
And then he says he wants to leave. Boom. It feels like there’s no going back now.
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How Do I Make My Husband Love Me Again?
When you look back at the relationship you used to have, and the passionate love you shared, this question seems almost surreal.
Where did it go? What happened? How can two people who were so much in love turn into strangers living in the same house?
Well, you may be surprised to learn that things are not always the way they appear.
Just because your husband said he doesn’t love you, doesn’t mean that it’s TRUE.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that your marriage is over.
So…Is it possible to make your husband fall in love with you all over again?
Well, in my experience, when your spouse says he no longer loves you, it doesn’t always mean the love is dead.
It may simply mean the love has been covered up by anger, frustration, resentment, or other emotions.
👉 Here’s what to do when you think your husband hates you
Did Your Husband Say He Doesn’t Love You?
To justify his feelings, your husband may even start to rewrite history to match his claim that love is dead. He may say things like “I never really loved you”, or “I married you out of obligation:”
It’s like stabbing you in the heart and then twisting the knife.
I really resonate with what marriage counselor Mort Fertel has to say about this:
The reason so many people believe they don’t love their spouse is NOT about their spouse. It’s that they don’t like THEMSELVES. And while everyone else in their life is like a mirror reflecting their personality (the mask that we show other people) – their spouse is a mirror reflecting their character (the true us). And most people don’t like what they see.
If this strikes a chord deep down – I highly recommend that you get Mort Fertel’s free marriage advice.
How to Make Your Husband Love You Again
Right now, you can start with 3 specific steps to get your husband’s attention and his love for you. These are NOT tricks, gimmicks, or clever psychological games.
These steps are not meant to get your relationship back to where it was before the love evaporated.
These steps will help you make your relationship better than it used to be.
1. Regain Trust
You are probably aware that your marriage has more lies than truth in it right now. If your relationship was open and honest, it would not have deteriorated to where it’s at right now.
(This is especially true if your husband said he doesn’t love you, right after confessing about an affair.)
You have to discover where trust still exists and how to regain the trust back in your spouse, even after he has cheated on you.
You have to learn how to talk like friends again.
Without restoring trust and honesty, your husband will not realize how much he loves YOU.
2. Become Best Friends Again
In an open and healthy marriage, love can’t stay “dead”. If your husband said he doesn’t love you, I can guess that your communication style is unhealthy or non-existent.
When this happens, you send the message that your spouse isn’t special to you anymore, he is a nuisance, and that your life would be better off without him.
👉 You simply must turn this around, and marriage coach Mort Fertel shows you how to do it HERE.
Love in relationships follows specific laws which can be learned and implemented to bring back the love to your marriage. These laws can be compared to physical laws governing the universe and can result in predictable outcomes. This is why I recommend that you learn these skills through the link above.
3. Bring Back the Spark
Can you imagine having all that love and passion you used to have – back in your relationship?
Just having fun with your husband will create a series of positive emotions and behaviors that may save your marriage.
You have to learn about the ways to bring back the fun and the laughter into your marriage. If your husband has left, this can be quite tricky.
In this case, I would recommend a good texting plan. Texting is a powerful way to get an ex back, without losing your dignity.
If your husband still lives with you, you have to learn how to reignite the spark – how to decide what to do for fun and how to get him on board.
Just one fun date with your husband can remind him of how much he adores you and wants to be with you and only you.
4. Express Gratitude
By expressing gratitude (even for small daily things), you acknowledge and celebrate the positive aspects of your relationships, and strengthen the bond between you.
Gratitude can be especially effective when the relationships lack kindness or enthusiasm. It can be the smallest thing – even just thanking him for expressing his opinions about something or making you a cup of coffee.
This study has shown spousal gratitude was the most important predictor of marital quality, regardless of the couple’s levels of financial strain and negative communication patterns, and that it can protect couples from the effects of conflict.
As I always say, just don’t wait. Act now, before it’s too late.
Rooting for ya,
Lisa
My wife cannot stand to touch me. She has no love for me no matter what I do. I’ve tried everything. She is not interested in romance, sex, or any intimacy at all. She hates sex even more than me. I lay awake every night wishing that she would touch or talk to me. She just does not care about me at all. My heart is broken. I have concluded that women hate sex, and males will love a lonely life after babies. Women have absolutely no sexual interest in men. At all.
My husband and I have been together for 14 years with 3 years of marriage. In the past, we both have done things that we wasn’t proud of but we managed to looked past it. But he keeps bringing back up this one mistake I have made after almost two years and now he says that he has love for me but he’s not in love with me anymore. He also said some hurtful things when we sat down to talk about. He refuses to keep fighting for our relationship and said his mind is already made up. He’s says my body is here but heart isn’t into it but we still lives together at the moment. We also have sex but he doesn’t be into it. I’ve been crying and praying that he would never leave because I really love my husband but it really getting hard to handle. I love him so that I’m desperate or willing to do anything to save my marriage.
Hello! I wanted to let you know that your not alone. Sadly my husband has told me he is leaving and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Well he still lives with me, sleeps in same bed, having sex, takes me out still and pays for it. But he doesn’t say he loves me just says see ya. We have a 4 year old daughter so I’m very confused..
My husband and I have been married almost 17 years and together almost 23. He’s been unhappy with our marriage for the last few years and we’ve been in marriage counseling since April. We’ve been able to work on/improve all aspects of our marriage since April, except for one major part…he says he loves me but he doesn’t feel the urge to be romantic with me. He said he wants to have the urge to kiss me and hold me and make love, but it just isn’t there. Neither of us understand why these feelings aren’t there even though he wants them to be. We’re at a point where we don’t know what to do or how much longer we can go on like this. I love him so much and I’m desperate to find anything that can help us. If two people want to be together why can’t we figure this out?? :'(
He wants to feel these feelings but he can’t. If you want to find out the truth you’ll have to stick with the couples counseling until the truth comes out. There’s something he is not saying. Maybe anger that’s not coming out. When the truth is really out there, everything is clear, and you won’t have to ask yourself this question.
Go back to the beginning, back to the basic. After we women have children we usually put our husbands on pause and tend to the children. The children are always on the forefront when it should be our husbands. Before the kids it was you & him it should always be about you & him then the kids. As the kids get older, your attention has switched from your husband to the kids. This then becomes a wedge in your relationship between you & your husband. You should always find time for each other. Because the kids will grow up and move away all while you and your husband have nothing in common anymore due to you raising the children. The same way you were at the beginning of your relationship you should maintain that throughout your relationship. Date nights, spontaneous acts, anything you used to do during the courting stage should still apply. The past is behind you , you can’t change that . Live in the moment that’s all we have. Look at your husband like it was the first time seeing him again , remember how you felt. The pitter patter of your heart the butterflies in your tummy. Relive the experience. Look beautiful for him when he gets home. Wear something sexy, comb your hair, be that freak, lady of the night. This is your MAN! If you want to keep him you have to go the extra mile. Don’t argue just do. Water flows on the path of least resistance, so should you. Be safe I’m praying for you. GOd Bless!
we have been together for 5 years, married for 3.I have 3 step-daughters (15,14,10) & 1 daughter (6 months) We fell in love fast and hard and I set up home with him 1000’s of miles from my home country. I invested everything into our relationship, from giving up a job I loved, to my inheritance in building a house and living in a country that I don’t particularly enjoy living in.
I struggle with the language and the difference in culture, especially with how my step-kids are raised by their mother as I feel they don’t help around the house like they should and don’t have the same manners that I would expect a child to have (we have had MANY fights about this!)
My husband told me last night that he doesn’t feel anything any more and hasn’t for a while.
We tried hard to have our baby and were advised to try IVF just before we fell pregnant, getting pregnant was the 1 thing I wanted SO desperately, after we fell pregnant I questioned if my husband was really happy about it, but he told me that he was.
My labor didn’t go as planned and an emergency c-section left me feeling depressed and like a failure. I have been diagnosed with post-natal depression and start therapy this week – the whole process has been me making the moves without feeling supported by my husband.
He finally sat down and talked to me last night, we have not talked for a LONG time, nor been lovingly intimate since a couple of months into pregnancy. He told me that I had changed and even his kids had said so, that he had felt nothing for me since before we fell pregnant because the whole process had taken over my life and then when I fell pregnant I became bitter towards him and his kids and pushed them all away. I feel so alone, unloved, unsupported, scared and completely lost that I don’t know what to do. He has said that he want’s some time alone to think, I asked him if he was prepared to work on us, to see a professional, to try and figure out how to fall in love again but he said he doesn’t know and needs to think.
I need to know how to return to the fun-loving person I used to be and make him fall in love with me again for the sake of us and our baby
Stacy,
I think you have to get back to be a fun and loving person NOT for the sake of your relationship and for your baby – but for YOURSELF. Maybe you think this doesn’t matter – but the “why” matters a lot. When you go back to being the real you (meaning loving, trusting, happy, satisfied, joyful) – you’ll radiate it all around you and everyone, including your husband, will be attracted to you.
But you have to do it for yourself, so it won’t be fake, so it’s real. Take this time he wants to think – to focus on yourself and the things that make you happy – this is an “inside job”. It has to do with the way you think, perceive your reality and the way you feel. Get up in the morning and decide that the “old” you is gone and now you are making way to the new you – someone who can find the good in everything she sees and experiences. It’s a decision you have to make and stick to. I know you can do it, and deep down – so can you.
My husband and I have been together for 2 years and married only 1. We have 2 children, 1 together and I from my past. Out marriage has been rocky but since the birth of my 5 month old, we’ve grown apart. Little intimacy, even less healthy communication. I know a lot of this is my fault. I suffer from depression. My husband doesn’t like to be around me anymore. I’ve agreed to get help but he says it’s too late. We still live together but only for a few more months. I feel like our marriage is a ticking time bomb. I want to stay together but he doesn’t.
He may say it’s too late, but I assure you it’s never too late. I say this from experience. Just focus on yourself right now, and feeling better – and take him out of the equation for now. When you really love yourself, everyone around you will fall in love with you – in a heart beat. Try.
My husband has been using for 8 years. We have been married 1 11/2 years and together 13. We have two daughters. In the past month he has been trying to become clean and he’s doing great. I also found out he’s been having an affair and wants to leave me for this woman ( who cheated on her ex husband in the past). My husband states she is the only one who can calm him down and understands what he’s going through. He says he can not talk to me and he married me to try to make our relationship better. He wants to leave but sleeps with me in bed every night, that he does come home. He says he still loves me and always will but there is no way we can be together any longer.
Been married almost 35 years. Have 3 grown daughters and A granddaughter. Our marriage was loving and good until my husband had major back surgery. After 2 years of healing,he couldn’t return to work. He has always made good money doing hardwood floors. He left me in 2015 for 14 months cause he said he wasn’t happy. He said he loved me but was miserable. We dated during that time.Came back and things were good until after our youngest daughters wedding. He began to distance himself physically from me. Insisted he loved me and needed time. Then Feb 4th announced angrily out of the blue,he no longer loves me. He rewrote our marital history. Said he never loved me,which I realize is not true. However, the immense pain I feel is overwhelming. We sleep separate because he doesn’t want any physical connection to me. He sleeps on a twin bed next to me in our room. So strange??He told me it’s up to me how long I can stay married to someone who doesn’t love me and never will. He comes home every night, but still thinking he could be having an affair. He is angry one minute, sad the next,and caring the next. I think there could be a midlife crisis/ depressio going on.. He doesn’t seem to be happy about anything. Would love to figure this out but he’s shut down completely about our marriage. Want this marriage to work, I can see he’s hurting. Hoping there’s no affair but my gut tells me some things not right. Reading everything about midlife crisis. It seems to be very familiar. He will not move out because money is too tight. I am confused and hurt. Took me out to dinner the other night. Weird?? Had fun,but no touching or anything. Could this marriage be saved??
I think you’re absolutely right about him being depressed. There is nothing much you can do about it, only he can help himself. But you can’t take it personally, it has nothing to do with you and I’m sure he loves you as he always did, he just can’t see it right now. Try to be as happy as you can without depending on how things are going with him. Happiness is contagious. If you give it time, and trust that he can do it, I Believe you’ll see him heal and your marriage heal as well.
Thanks Lisa
I am hoping you are correct. Everyone is telling me to give up. I am not listening. Think of getting Mort Fertels program. Trying to do my own thing,appreciate him. Hoping for a happy ending.
I have been in a a relationship for the past 30 years. Have a son and daughter out of wedlock.
Now the kids are 24 & 26 and he tell me he doesn’t love me and doesn’t want to live with me. I’m devastated
I have been married for 24 year, I have 2 grown children. This past December my health took a turn, I will be on dyalisis soon, and I just got on the transplant list. My husband and I met at a youth group. This past summer our group got together and opened a group messenger. His first love, the girl he was always after, when he was 16 and she was 12 ( they only kissed once) joined the group and started joking around with a few members including my husband. She eventually posted the song he dedicated to her after their only kiss. A day or so later they began messaging privately. This happened after I was diagnosed. I exploded when he told me. She lives in another country so they haven’t physically seen each other. They send each other cute posts and kisses. He told me about it a few days after it started thats when he told me he blocked his phone. I was furious I exploded when he told me he never really loved me he married me because it was the right thing to do etc., and he brought up all the negatives in our marriage which were blamed on me.When I calmed down I reminded him of our plans to marry before I had gotten pregnant, the beautiful parts of our marriage and that it takes two to make or break a marriage. He now says he loves us both her more than me, that she is his soul mate. He says he will stay with me as long as necessary to get me through my health issues. He is the only family I have to help me right now. He refuses to stop his communication with her, he is planning a trip to his birth country this summer to see her and see if there is any physical chemistry! He asked me if I was going ofcourse I said yes my inlaws are there and we get along great, but I don’t know what to do to win him back or even if I can. He leaves every morning to work says he loves me, he comes home everynight and says he loves me, we are having sex and changing it up a bit to make it more exciting. I let him know that he has to take on a date every week, that we have to evolve as a couple for the better because what we have been doing has not worked, and I asked him not to communicate with her on my time since he is refusing to end all communication. Can I save my marriage it feels like I am the only one trying and he is just getting me through this health crisis. Which this manipulative other woman told him you have a good wife she needs you dont leave her now, I will wait for you.
I have been married for 11 yrs been together 12, he works 24/7 being a truck driver, farmer contractor ete…for the last couple of yrs we have communication problems he doesnt involve me in anything doesnt talk to me about anything, but communicates with people around us with no worries we have friends over but i always feel left out of the chats, i love him still like the day we got merried when i go to talk to him as im over crying to myself he doesnt want to talk as he is always in a hurry to go somewhere else out of my sight im becoming very depressed, he is a person that doesnt show emotion or give me emotional support but to anyone else he would..for the last week he has slept on the lounge then whinges to his mates that i dont give him sex, i dont tell him to sleep in the lounge…i want to leave but i love this man but cant put up with the silence no more… what to do…
My husband and I have been together for 8 years 7 together and 1 married. When we met I had been left by my ex partner and had 2 kids. My husband fell in love with me and my kids, I taught I could not love someone or trust again but the love we shared my husband and I was so intense so passionate. As the years past I began to make mistakes and treat him like if he was my ex, I began to take my anger out on him. We separated 4 years into our relationship and I begged him for another chance promised him change and I did. I gave him everything and he became my world he wanted to be a dad and shortly into our 6th year together we began to talk about marriage and owning property together. We began a married life and I gave him a son. Life was perfect, so I taught. We had the usual couple fights but he hated engaging and would just not talk about it. I knew he was distancing himself and would try hard to get him to open up but he said I was just nagging him. He would avoid ontact with me by sleeping early, and I was constantly wrapped up with our baby to care anymore. However, I began to get a feeling something was wrong and I found out once I would go to sleep he would leave in middle of night and talk to my sister! I felt betrayed she was having an emotional relationship with my husband and they both hid it from me. When I confronted him he told me he needed space and left our home, I was left broken and alone. I forgave them both for their betrayal and have asked him to return but he refuses yet every time he needs something he calls me. I caught him still talking to my sister and confronted him he promised to stop and give us a chance but next day he changed his mind and said it was better this way. He goes out drinks and even hid that he went out on a date, but always wants to talk to me even if it’s to ask for favors. I want to fix my marriage I love my husband for I forgive him for everything, but I feel like I am just being used and my little boy needs me; he was diagnosed with autism shortly after his father left me. I dont know what to do? Its been a month since he left, and I still have hope for I am there when he needs me and we have had sex in more than one occasion. The love is just not there, he treats me with coldness and frustration when all I want to do is shower him with love.
My ex partner and I faught a lot, we have been rocky this whole year, threatening to leave each other and find other people, we began to hate each other. He was adding other woman on facebook and had a new receptionist start working at his job. We had a fight because i asked him if they had spoken about us and he said no, but she had sent him a message on facebook saying “omg, now youve got me worried that will have to deal with your partner, add another to the list haha” Thursday night i said i thought we needed a break. Friday night he didnt come home from work and went and stayed at her house for the night. He hasnt been home for two weeks, wont talk to me, doesnt even want to see his kids because out of fear of having to see me. I have begged and pleaded but he says he doesnt love me anymore. How do i respark my love life and how do i get back this man i have damaged? Please help.
My husband and I have been married for 14yrs. After 2 yrs of marriage, I had a work injury that laid me up for 5 yrs. We split up for 1 yr at the 7 yr. mark. At which time I took the opportunity to condition my body and study to get my Nursing license current. I went back to work nursing, then he and I got back together. With our experience, we decided to take a resident management job, at a small apartment complex working it part time. We kept our full time jobs. With the intent of sticking the rent money in the bank, to purchase a home. 1 month after moving in, my health started failing again. And numerous operation were done, in hopes I could go back into the workforce. Now I am disabled and receive disability every month. My oldest son, who is also disabled, but able to take care of himself, moved in with us temporarily. No more than 9mo. to a year, to deal with some issues. My husband was not keen on the idea. However, I gradually over a month’s time, got my son to move in. As he was homeless in middle of winter, here in Minnesota. I resigned from the apartment management job 3 weeks ago, it was becoming too much to bear. Therefore my husband’s position as maintenance would end as well. We were fine with the idea, as we both agreed we had become burned out. My son became very ill, and I took him to the hospital, where he was admitted that Friday morning. My husband came home from work, and said we need to talk. “I’m going to move…. in with my parents.” I could not believe my ears. Because when we got back together after the 1st separation, we agreed we would never separate again. Over the past 6 yrs, our communication became very little, we never went out as a couple. Our big outing together was to the local grocery store. He did not want to go anywhere or do anything together. He was content working his 8 hrs, coming home, to his computer, where he would listen to politics and news for another 8 hrs., until he would go to bed. On his two days off, he would always take the 1 day to visit his aging parents. He is a creature of habit. Meanwhile, I was put on pain medications long term. He had started to steal a few here and there. Eventually he was addicted and spent all his money to buy more. He moved out the next morning, Saturday, and is living at his parents. It’s been 2 weeks since he has been gone. He has been able to get off the drugs. And is still dealing with some of the side effects. (He had been using for about 3 years.) I love this man so unconditionally! And would like us to get back together. I don’t know what to do now, or how to get him back. He virtually left me with no money, I had to move into the other apartment, and am disabled, checking on my son while he was in the hospital for 5 days, he left the garage an absolute mess, and I had to wrap up this resident manager job by myself. And hand it over to the new managers. My emotions go from being very angry to still knowing I love him. Feeling like I’m on a roller coaster ride. I don’t want him to take advantage of my kindness, and nurturing spirit. I started texting him 1 week after he left, as I guard myself. I knew if I didn’t take the initiative, we wouldn’t be talking. My disability has left me unable to lift anything over about 8 pounds, I need to take breaks when doing housework. Things just take me longer to accomplish these days. Thankfully my oldest daughter and her family, along with my son, who just got out of the hospital, came and moved all the big heavy stuff. I did ask him to come over yesterday after work, to help clean out the garage, so we could turn it over. He flat out said, NO. Ugg… So I will have to pay 1 more month for the garage, to give me time to clear it out. What do I do now? How do I get my husband back. How can we have a close relationship? Please help…. not knowing what to do in Minnesota…
I have been with my husband for 16 years & married for 12 years in a week. We lost our child 11 years ago & our marriage hasn’t been the same. He shut down on me & I had someone who was supporting me they the process in which my husband found out I was talking to another man. He then decided to cheat on me the next 8 years and has just recently told me he had fell out of love with me 11years ago to to my conversations with this man. I have fought for this marriage due to him making me feel so guilty for the one thing I did compared to all the lies, cheating & hurtful things he has done. Now he wants to leave me & our kids to start a new life w/o us. Can u help me? I just want him to be back in love with me. He is truly my soul mate & I know God put us together on purpose! I am still in love with him despite all I’ve been through with him.
My husband and I separated after 28 years of marriage.Its been rocky for 10 years and we had split for short periods twice before this. I knew things weren’t great again at Christmas but didn’t think they were anywhere near as bad as they had been but in January he said it was over. We stayed together until May I tried everything to get him to open up and work with me but he says it is too late. We have lost each other. he is angry at me for not being there and while I have tried to explain that I felt neglected and alone he won’t have any of it. He now wants the house sold but doesn’t know if he wants a divorce.
I would take him back but don’t know if I could trust him again .I still love him but he says he doesn’t love me anymore. I hate feeling so hurt and alone
I was with my husband for twenty years. We have 3 kids. We were really good together. We got through losing a close relative of mine, birth of second child, me having cancer and subsequent treatment for 2 years and my mother’s hip operation in a short space of time. He retired after many years and seemed to be doing ok, even though I think he felt a little lost at what to do after a while, so I got him a part-time job, which he enjoyed for a while. I had another major operation, which we got through, but he would go in on himself, and we somehow lost connection and he wouldn’t let me in. I got talking to a close friend, who I didn’t know at the time, had self-serving interests, and how I regret that alot since. Looking back I think I had got too overwhelmed and depressed with everything and just lost myself. All went downhill and this friend made me lose faith, both in myself and husband. We got divorced, which I didn’t want. I just couldn’t face him as I had let him, myself and family down. We are on good terms again and get on well. He helps daily with my work, and is at the family home in the mornings until early evening daily, after which he goes back to his place. The kids think it is really silly, all this coming and going, when we could all be together. We even go on day trips and holiday as a family. He knows I want us to be together again, but I fear he is frightened of being hurt again. I don’t know what to do for the best.
Helen,
I think that if you stay patient just a little bit more, he’ll just offer to come back. If you don’t pressure him, he’ll be able to make this decision on his own and will know that he made this decision without anyone telling him what he should do – and those are the best decision.
I think that he is a step away from coming back. Just know this in your heart and focus on having fun with each other, no matter where he sleeps.
Good luck!
We have been married for 18 years. I always thought that I have the perfect marriage. but everything started to change little be over a year. My husband had been texting secretly with one of our employees. A very young beautiful women. I will never thought that she will place her eyes on my husband, because he is a much older guy, and I never thought my husband will betrayed me like this. I received a text from an identified person letting me know that my husband was having an affair with this young girl. I confronted my husband and he denied it. I trusted him, and I love him so much and he had been always so good to me. So I decided to believe him. I should had fire her, but I did not want to fire somebody when I did not have any probe. He was erasing all the text messages he was having with her and he always told me that he sees her like a daughter, nothing else. We closed our business and he help her get a job in another place far away from us. I was relief knowing that she will be far away from us. But they had still been communicating with each other I found him sending text messages and selfie and then erasing them. I took his phone away and just at the moment a receive her reply. She was saying “I miss you too” . My heart drop, all this time denying and all my suspicions
were true. I felt humiliated, disrespected a big deception. I was a fool. My husband has been lying to me all this time. I reply to her message from his phone and I told her to don’t ever text, call or come around my husband to leave him along. She did not reply. After that I blocked her from my husbands social media and erase her phone number from my husbands phone. My husband got upset a the beginning and he look very confuse of his feelings. I was destroyed, the same night a gave him a letter saying that we both need a break from each other and to find a place to stay, but he immediately hug me and told me that he loves me and he didn’t want to leave his family. I let him stay, because I love him. But everything has changed. My emotions are different everyday. We are going through counseling right now. He is doing and effort and said that he will change his phone number so she won’t be able to contact him, but I don’t trust him anymore. My attitude has change, and are days that I’m so distance and cold to him and constantly blaming him for destroying my perfect world. He can’t tell me Why he did this to me? What I did wrong? Why did he bring a third person into our lives? He said he doesn’t love her, but he care about her and that he likes to talk to her, and that he never had a sexual relation with her, that it was more like an emotional affair. After these dark awful days we both decided that we
want to save our marriage. I’m afraid I will never be able to forget that he betrayed me. He promise to be more open and honest with me. I love him and forgive him, but I can’t forget.
I’ve been married for 6 years, together for 9. People used to comment constantly about what a great guy I have and my friends about how they wish their husband would look at them the way my husband looks at me.
One day, everything changed. I found out 6 months ago about secret credit cards and money that he’s been hiding from me. He says he’s not cheating. The credit card statements don’t show that he is either. I’ve caught him in little lies about things that are so trivial. A year ago he could t keep his hands off me and now i can’t seem to get him to look twice at me.
Is my marriage over?? Please help.
June,
He may not be cheating, but I agree with your gut instinct – Something is up. But I don’t know enough details about your relationship and you haven’t told me about how your relationship was before you found out about the money (was that the trigger for him getting distant?)
I think this should not be ignored of course. I would start with trying to communicate with him, but without any accusations and anger, to make him open up about what’s really going on.
My Husband and i have been together for 6 years, married 2. I brought a child into the relationship and we have one together (9 and 5). Our relationship was built by strong and swift love, and I still deeply love him. However, a year ago we bought a house together and had to live in a 27′ tailer for 6 months, we were fighting a lot, at one point the fight got so bad it turned physical (both sides) and he called the police on me and i got arrested. We have also dealt with him having a secret porn compulsion and were dealing with it at the time. These are not my excuses but for whatever messed up reason i cheated on him during that time with a co-worker. I never had sex with the guy but what we did was wrong. I told my husband recently because I wanted to get this guilt of my mind, i love him so much and the stress and anxiety this secret caused forced me to be so distant from him. That is not what i wanted when i married him. He is obviously angry right now, his emotions are rapidly changing back and forth between anger and depression, embarrassment, disappointment, everything. He says he needs a lot of space and doesn’t know if he can ever forgive me or be married to me. Im so upset i can eat, my heart physically hurts, i can’t stop throwing up, i am lost without him. I just don’t know how he will ever trust that i will NEVER do this again. I told him because i wanted to expose myself thinking that that would prove to him I wouldn’t do it again. How do i make him trust me. I know time is a factor but what else should i do. Am the the worst person in the world or what?
hi we have been married for 18 yrs this n been together for 21 n 4 weeks ago my husband had walked out saying he loves me but not in love with me n he had enough of the crap the kids were doing … i am devastated he was living in a tent till it got destroyed by the wind n is now living in the caravan out the front yard as i wouldnt let him take it … i thought we were happy he would always tell me that he loved me he bought me a dozen roses on valentines day n 2 days later said he wanted to leave .. n the next day he did no explation as to why at first .. he saying we r going to work things out but doesnt like to talk bout us but we can sit there n talk bout anythign else
…he gives me cuddles still we have slept together once since then n he stays in our bed prob once aweek im so confused at wat to do i love him n respect him n have a trust in him still he says he cares alot about me still n i mean alot to him n we had a good 21 yrs then y would he being doing all this n gets cranky if i bring up us plz help
I think that although something is deeply bothering him, he doesn’t really want to leave you. I also think that he needs to see what it feels like to be without you. And right now he doesn’t feel it because you are available for him whenever he wants.
I think this article can really help you:
https://new.how-to-save-marriage.org/can-separation-save-a-marriage/
It’ll show you how to use your separation to your advantage and save your marriage.
Hang in there, all signs show that if you do the right things )see the article about those), everything will fine and this crisis will go away.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years married for 6. We are young couple (23 & 24). Have 2 kids together. We have been up and down with our marriage A LOT. He has cheated more then a handful of times through out the years but I have always forgave him. The past year has been a nightmare. We fight constantly and he has cheated both intimacy and text/Facebook. Well he started working with a girl and is “chasing” after her he so said in a message to her. When I ask him about it he says it’s nothing but he sends her messages like xoxo and more deeply messages then just flirting. In my heart I feel like he’s falling in love with her. My heart and head is so confused tho. We still have sex all the time and it’s good as always. When we are together it’s like nothing is going on with them too and me and him are the same as it always is but when I confront him about them he blows it off and days I blow it out of proportion. I just don’t want to loose my husband. I’ve been trying everything to get him to be more into me. I love him so much and I’m beyond desperate to get him to be faithful to me.. Please I need some advice on how to win him back!
Hi Desiree,
I’m sorry you are going through this, I don’t know how you manage to forgive him every time he does this, you must really love him or want your relationship to work.
Your husband is a serial cheater and from what you’ve told me he doesn’t really think that marriage rules apply to him. Since you 2 still have sex as ususal, his cheating is not a result of lack of sex. He may feel that he’s entitled to do this and the fact that you keep forgiving him just proves to him that he can keep doing it without consequence.
First think to do is ti let him know that from this moment on you do not accept any kind of cheating. That you will never forgive and forget again.
The second step is to give him an ultimatum: Either he agrees to outside professional help, in the form of counseling, or you will kick him out.
If he does not agree to this, you should know that he’s going to keep cheating and lying to you indefinitely.
I know that you don’t want to lose him. But will you still want to stay with him if he doesn’t change?
You have to think about it.
Obviously what you’re doing now is not working, so you have to do something else.
You have to make him understand what he’s about to lose if he keeps acting like this. And the trick is to tell him all these things in a calm and collect manner, without losing your temper and yelling what so ever.
This is only my opinion, but now is the time that you have to make a decision. Either something dramatic happens to change things, or you will spend the rest of your time with him just the way it is now.
I hope you make the right decisions for you.
I been married for almost 2 years but we been together for 5.. . Hr cheated in the past before we got married I tryed to forget but I never could … We had problems because of me …and I pushed him away he left for his country for 9 days & when he got back he picked up a girl down there… He told me he didn’t had anything with her but there were pics and txt …so he left ..but now I realized that I pushed him away & I don’t,want to loose my husband … He says he is confused & he don’t these marriage anymore … I don’t know wht to do
Here’s what to do:
https://new.how-to-save-marriage.org/can-separation-save-a-marriage/
Read carefully and if you have more questions, contact me, o.k?
All the above is great information.
My marriage isn’t even a marriage any more, its more like two people who rent a house.
Married 46 years in 3 days, and thats suppose to be a good thing. It’s really not so good. The love
intimacy stopped after our wedding day. We had sex once and my husband hated it, he couldn’t
believe actually do some thing so horrible gross to each other. He wanted nothing more to do with
me, sex or associating with me. He moved to our basement and thats where he eats and sleeps. He also
works the midnight shift so he wouldn’t have to be at night. I can’t bother him he won’t talk to me or any
one else. Fixing this marriage is a real joke, never happen.
The only question I’m left with after your story is why on earth did you stay and keep staying in this marriage? Are you both religious?
Thanks for sharing about Dr. Gunzburg’s program, Lisa. It’s one I’m going to look into as a marriage coach. I really like what you’ve shared here and how you’ve shared it. You always have such fresh, relevant posts and I’m always glad to see when you link up with Wedded Wed. Thanks so much for this powerful post!