How do you confront a cheater? how do you get the truth out of a suspected cheating husband?
Whatever you do, do NOT confront a cheating partner – without a good plan.
If you don’t follow some critical rules, most chances he will either angrily run out of the house (allowing him to get his story straight), or stay and turn the focus to you (by attacking you for snooping on him or blaming you for your problems).
How to Confront a Cheating Husband
This guide will show how to confront a cheating spouse and get the truth out of him – by the end of the day.
Plus, you’ll find how cheaters react when confronted about infidelity.
1. Prepare for His Reaction
Before you learn how to confront a cheater, prepare yourself for the obvious: The majority of cheating spouses will deny-deny-deny cheating until they are blue in the face.
Some of them will deny an affair even if you present them with hard evidence. Songs were written about this, that’s how much it’s true.
Because even if you thought he was your best friend, the one person that would never lie to you this way, the fact is that you are “catching” him unprepared.
He doesn’t have his story straight yet, he hasn’t decided whether he wants to:
- Admit cheating,
- How to tell you about it
- How much to reveal and in case of a long-term affair – whether to end it at all.
- Until he makes a decision, he will deny everything, while making up the most ridiculous lies just to get away with it.
2. Get Proof
You can confront someone who is cheating only when you have solid evidence.
If you don’t have “physical” evidence, such as nude pictures, emails describing his passion for her, a receipt for jewelry or a motel – do NOT confront him.
If you don’t have proof you will only give him a heads-up and actually help him be more careful from now on. He gets a chance to be much more careful from now on, which means you may never find proof.
Second, if you don’t have proof – you might be wrong. He could be faithful to you, and if you wrongly accuse him you could destroy your relationship.
3. Stay Calm
I know it is the HARDEST thing to do in this situation but breathe in deep, and count to ten.
You are upset, hurt beyond belief, and your whole life is crumbling under your feet – but you have to confront him when you are calm and collected.
Focus on the facts and don’t let your emotions control you.
If you attack him and scream at him he will probably use it to storm out of the house saying he can’t talk to you and use this time to get his story straight.
Be prepared with your proof and don’t let him turn the focus to your snooping. You can say, “Yes, I admit it was wrong to snoop on you, but the FACT is that I had a good reason to do that – here’s the evidence.”
👉 Read: should you confront the other woman? (pros and cons)
4. Stay Firm
He may try to blame the whole thing on you. He won’t be the first one to do it.
It’s much easier than providing an explanation for his behavior. He will instinctively call you crazy, stupid, insecure, childish, and a psycho. Don’t let him do that. Don’t argue.
You can say – “o.k., I am stupid and childish. Who is she and how long have you been cheating on me?”
Demand an explanation. He may also try to get you to admit that he had a good reason for cheating.
He may ask you “Why would I look for sex outside my relationship?” and get you to think of an excuse for him (clever, right?) or to make you believe that he has no reason to cheat.
Make him answer his own questions by saying nothing. Just look into his eyes as long as it takes and wait for him to answer it by himself.
👉 Got him to admit cheating? here are the 10 most important questions to ask a cheating spouse.
5. The Jedi Mind Trick
If he insists on denying it, and your proof has “holes” in it, try to take some of the blame on yourself. You don’t have to mean it; it’s just a tactic to get him to confess.
Bring up the possibility that you weren’t giving him what he needs – sexually, emotionally, or otherwise.
If he is close to confessing, it will make it much easier for him to tell you the truth. He will that some of the blame was lifted from him.
Sneaky, but it works.
How I Confronted My Husband (Personal Story)
It’s probably one of the weirdest stories you’ve heard, and it actually didn’t require any of the tips I gave you here. When our second son was about 2 years old, I had a feeling that something isn’t right. I had no physical evidence or anything I could put my finger on, just this weird feeling.
One day I woke up in the morning, opened my eyes, and the thought “he cheated” was the first thing that came to my mind. It was as if I had a dream about it, but I didn’t remember any dreams. I just knew, one hundred percent, that this thought was true.
That same day, when he came back from work, I told him about this. I was completely confident about it, and just waited, with my heart pounding, for him to admit that it was true.
And he did. He looked down for a few seconds and told me I am right.
What happened later is not important to get my point over to you (check out my infidelity posts ), but I think this proves that if you absolutely trust your gut feeling when you confront him, the truth will come out. And the truth is the first and crucial step for recovery – whether you stay together or not.
After a lot of misery and fighting, the thing that helped us most was the Marriage Fitness program. If I could do anything differently, I would start with that and save us a lot of pain.
How to Deal with a Cheating Husband
An affair doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s the end of your relationship. You may find it hard to see right now, but an affair is just a symptom of a troubled relationship.
You can go with the “Once a cheater always a cheater BS, or you can stop, think about it a little, and consider giving your relationship one more chance.
But I have to warn you: attempting to do it alone is taking the road to nowhere.
my own experience has shown me that you need professional help.
If not through counseling, then at least take advantage of this free marriage help to learn the exact steps you need to take to heal yourself, and your relationship, and recover from his affair.
Remember – even if he cheated, it doesn’t mean he has no love for you anymore.
Something went terribly wrong along the way, but if you both commit to the healing process, you have a chance of winning a better relationship than ever.
Surviving an affair requires honesty and transparency that can work wonders in your relationship.
It’s hard for me to admit it, but my husband’s affair and the healing journey we went through together have brought us a renewed and honest relationship, complete transparency, and ultimately more love.
If you have some budget for it, I recommend consulting with an online professional therapist – this is the service I recommend.
How will your journey end?
Rooting for ya,