What ever you do, do NOT confront a cheater without a good plan.
If you don’t follow some critical rules, most chances he will either angrily run out of the house (allowing him to get his story straight), or stay and turn the focus to you (by attacking you for snooping on him, or blaming you for your problems, what ever).
How to Confront a Cheating Husband
This guide will show how to confront a cheating spouse and get the truth out of him – by the end of the day.
1. Prepare for the Obvious
Before you learn how to confront a cheater, prepare yourself for the obvious: The majority of cheating spouses will deny-deny-deny cheating, until they are blue in the face.
Some of them will deny an affair even if you present them with hard evidence. Songs were written about this, that’s how much it’s true.
Because even if you thought he was your best friend, the one person that would never lie to you this way, the fact is that you are “catching” him unprepared.
He doesn’t have his story straight yet, he hasn’t decided whether he wants to
– Admit cheating,
– How to tell you about it,
– How much to reveal and in case of a long-term affair – whether to end it at all.
Until he makes a decision, he will deny everything, while making up the most ridiculous lies just to get away with it.
2. Solid Evidence
You can confront someone who is cheating only when you have solid evidence.
If you don’t have “physical” evidence, such as nude pictures, emails describing his passion for her, a receipt for jewelry or a motel – do NOT confront him.
If you don’t have proof you will only give him a heads up and actually help him be more careful from now on. He gets a chance to be much more careful from now on, which means you may never find proof.
Second, if you don’t have proof – you might be wrong. He could be faithful to you, and if you wrongly accuse him you could destroy your relationship.
3. Count to 10
I know it is the HARDEST thing to do in this situation, but breathe in deep, and count to ten.
You are upset, hurt beyond belief, your whole life is crumbling under your feet – but you have to confront him when you are calm and collected.
Focus on the facts and don’t let your emotions control you. If you attack him and scream at him he will probably use it to storm out of the house saying he can’t talk to you and use this time to get his story straight.
Be prepared with your proof and don’t let him turn the focus to your snooping. You can say, “Yes, I admit it was wrong to snoop on you, but the FACT is that I had a good reason to do that – Here’s the evidence.”
Rule #4 – Stay Firm
He may try to blame the whole thing on you. He won’t be the first one to do it.
It’s much easier than providing an explanation to his behavior. He will instinctively call you crazy, stupid, insecure, childish and a psycho. Don’t let him do that. Don’t argue.
You can say – “o.k., I am stupid and childish. Who is she and how long have you been cheating on me?”
Demand an explanation. He may also try to get you to admit that he had a good reason for cheating.
He may ask you “Why would I look for sex outside my relationship?” and get you to think of an excuse for him (clever, right?) or to make you believe that he has no reason to cheat.
Make him answer his own questions by saying nothing. Just look in his eyes as long as it takes and wait for him to answer it by himself.
5. The Jedi Mind Trick
If he insists on denying, and your proof has “holes” in it, try to take some of the blame on yourself. You don’t have to mean it; it’s just a tactic to get him to confess.
Bring up the possibility that you weren’t giving him what he needs – sexually, emotionally or otherwise.
If he is close to confessing, it will make it much easier for him to tell you the truth. He will that some of the blame was lifted from him.
Sneaky, but it works.
The Most Important Factor in Confronting a Cheater
An affair doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s the end of your relationship. You may find it hard to see right now, but an affair is just a symptom of a “diseased” relationship.
You can go with the “Once a cheater always a cheater BS, or you can stop, think about it a little and consider giving your relationship one more chance.
(This is how to decide whether to stay or leave)
But I have to warn you: Attempting to do it alone is taking the road to nowhere.
my own experience has shown me that you need professional help.
Remember – even if he cheated, it doesn’t mean he has no love for you anymore.
Something went terribly wrong along the way, but if you both commit to the healing process, you have a chance of winning a better relationship than ever.
Surviving an affair requires honesty and transparency that can work wonders on your relationship.
It’s hard for me to admit it, but my husband’s affair and the healing journey we went through together has brought us a renewed and honest relationship, complete transparency and ultimately more love.
How will your journey end?
Rooting for ya,
Want to know the odds of him cheating again?
The Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater Infographic:
- Shows you the odds of cheating again for each of the 7 Types of Affairs
- Gives you clues that tip off whether they will cheat again
- Offer strategies that lower the odds of cheating again
- Presents revised odds for cheating again after breaking free from the affair
If you want the infographic, which examines all 7 types of affairs, plus additional important information, Go Here.