Can you ever trust your (cheating) husband again?
Most people would say that it’s impossible to restore trust after an affair. That if he did it once, he can do it again. That the foundation of the relationship is forever broken.
Is that what you think too?
After all, he lied to you straight into your face, over and over again.
He told you he was at work but he was actually with her. He told you he was out with his friends, but he was in the arms of another woman, while you were taken for a fool.
Is it Possible to Regain the Trust after he Cheated?
Trust is the foundation of an intimate relationship.
Everything else grows out of the trust you have for one another: your sense of safety, the feeling of companionship, and even your love for one another depends on trust.
So even if you somehow manage to deal with the unbelievable shock and pain caused by his affair, you will not be able to salvage your marriage without restoring the trust.
But no matter how hard you try, you can’t.
One night he comes home late from work and says he had a meeting, but you can’t for the life of you believe him completely.
And it’s more than normal.
But, it’s virtually impossible to try to heal from this crisis, communicate honestly and rebuild your marriage again when you’re constantly feeling suspicious and even paranoid, right?
The Best Way to Build Trust After Cheating
I’ve learned about the importance of transparency after an affair from Mort Fertel and his marriage counseling alternative program, and it’s the most important thing you and your husband need to address right now before it’s too late.
Your husband needs to understand that complete transparency is the only direct way of rebuilding your trust in him.
No more weird phone calls, no more evenings out without a call home, and no more secret emails and social media accounts.
With time, complete transparency will bring the trust back to your relationship and make room for rebuilding the love.
But what is complete transparency?
The post-affair agreement is a list of changes both of you agree to make (but especially the cheating spouse obviously), to start the process of rebuilding the trust in your relationship.
The Post-Affair Agreement
Here’s the cheating contract he needs to sign:
1. My cell phone texts, contact lists, pictures, and calls are not a secret and can be viewed freely by my spouse. The cheating spouse will close out any e-mail accounts or telephone numbers associated with the affair.
2. My Facebook account, including private messages, is not a secret and can be viewed anytime by my spouse.
3. I will not delete or hide any text message or Facebook message or e-mail of any kind.
4. I will let my spouse know exactly where I am at any point during the day. I will not make my spouse wonder where I am or what I’m doing.
5. I will call and explain in detail if I am to change my plans. For example, if I am going to get back late from work – I will call beforehand and explain.
6. If I go out socially without my spouse, I will let him/her exactly who I am going to meet and where.
7. I will try to share more about my work, new people who come into the office, and conversations with colleagues (female and male).
8. I will make it a priority to be available on my cell phone when my spouse calls.
9. I will offer to share more about my life, the things that trouble me (or make me happy) – as much as possible.
Husband Signature Wife Signature
Is the Post-Affair Agreement Enough to Regain the Trust?
It may take some time, but committing to the post-affair agreement will slowly (yet effectively) restore the trust in your relationship, and in your heart.
But you can’t stop there.
Next, it’s time to really face your emotions and rebuild the love in your marriage, if you want to make it better than ever.
In the next sections of Mort Fertel’s program (see my Marriage Fitness review), you will learn about how to rebuild the attention, caring, support, and stability of your marriage. And of course – the fun, the laughter, and the happiness
It’s NOT impossible.
Trust CAN be restored.
Love CAN be rebuilt.
A marriage CAN survive an affair and become better than ever.
I wouldn’t claim so unless I was living proof of it.
You just need the right knowledge, and the willingness to make an effort.
👉I always recommend Mort Fertel’s free email series, it’s in my experience the best first step you can take to heal from the devastating emotions of his affair.
What do you think? Is it possible to restore trust after an affair?
See 40+ best quotes about trust in a relationship after cheating, to help you cope with infidelity and sort out your feelings.
Rooting for ya,
Want to know the odds of him cheating again?
The Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater Infographic:
- Shows you the odds of cheating again for each of the 7 Types of Affairs
- Gives you clues that tip off whether they will cheat again
- Offer strategies that lower the odds of cheating again
- Presents revised odds for cheating again after breaking free from the affair
If you want the infographic, which examines all 7 types of affairs, plus additional important information, Go Here.