Is it possible to save your marriage alone – when only one is trying and your husband doesn’t seem to care if your marriage falls apart?
You may have not thought about it, but I believe that you can fix your relationship – without convincing your husband, begging him, or threatening him.
Marriage is a 2-way street and when a relationship is in crisis, both sides are supposed to do their best to it prevent it from slipping away for good, right?
Sadly, many of us get heartbroken when we find out that our partner is not making the same effort or even not trying at all to save the marriage.
Sometimes the spouse is just looking for a way out and doesn’t want to salvage the relationship.
But many times, he or she is too depressed, confused, or wants to avoid more conflicts.
( 10 signs your husband wants a divorce)
Today I will show you how to save your marriage alone.
Page Contents
Why Doesn’t He Care That Your Marriage Falling Apart?
A spouse who is reluctant to work on the marriage may be in a place where he or she has lost hope that the relationship can be salvaged. Your partner may feel the marriage is too far gone for any efforts to result in a positive outcome.
The only thing that is within your power is your commitment to the relationship, and the actions YOU take.
3 Steps to Save Your Marriage Alone
If you find yourself alone in working to save your marriage, take these steps to heal your marriage by yourself:
1. Empower Yourself
Regardless of the non-existing effort that your husband is making to save your marriage, you can strengthen your own efforts in committing to a marriage-rebuilding process.
(Even if you have a constantly angry husband)
You may have already been pulling double duty in terms of giving your marriage everything you’ve got.
Now, if you want to save your marriage, you may need to draw on your inner reserves of strength and give a little bit more.
No one can decide for you what your relationship is worth, and what measures you’ll go to to save it.
But if you feel strongly about saving it, deciding that you’re committed to doing so will help you feel empowered.
Here’s one excellent way to rebuild your marriage – without solving problems.
2. Remember the Basics
A lot of couples find that with time, their roles have become more adversarial than supportive.
Think about your best friend for a second. Can you remember the last time he/she was feeling depressed or down?
What type of support have you offered them?
It can be easy to forget that your husband needs a friend — in you.
Examine your relationship and see if both of you have forgotten how to be a friend to one another.
Again, you can only control your actions, but leading by example is the most effective way to get what you want out of him, your children, or anyone else.
Your actions, such as making positive changes in how you talk to and behave with your spouse, maybe the catalyst needed to get your husband to want to make changes himself.
Taking a more friendly approach can create a “safe” environment, one where your husband or wife may begin to trust that things really can improve.
You can get a free marriage assessment and the 7 ultimate tips to fix your marriage – today.
3. Love Yourself (First)
You may wonder how you can give your “all” to the relationship and still have time for yourself.
Well, a huge part of giving in a relationship is being strong within yourself.
You need to nurture yourself as much as your relationship because a healthy relationship requires healthy partners.
Many couples become adversarial because one or both spouses can become resentful, feeling they’ve given up everything for the relationship and there has been nothing left to give to themself.
It’s critical to carve time for yourself, examine your thoughts and emotions, and work through your internal struggles, as well as nurture your own hopes and dreams.
what to do when your husband ignores you
How to Fix Your Marriage Alone When He Cheated
If your spouse has cheated on you, or is having an affair and plans to leave you, it’s a bit of a different story.
When you still love him, and despite the anguish and loss of trust you still want to save your family, there are few steps I would recommend:
1. Ask him the most important questions – spouses that cheat are often reluctant to share the whole truth about the affair.
They slowly drip, drip, drip more facts as time goes by.
Unfortunately, the betrayed spouse has just managed to regain some trust and heal after the last “drip”, and now another drip comes and she’s back to the starting point.
To avoid this, ask him the 10 essential questions to ask a cheating spouse.
2. Sign the post-affair agreement – if he regrets his infidelity and shows remorse – ask him to sign the post-affair agreement, to avoid another cheating episode.
This agreement supports full transparency, which is the most important factor in healing a marriage after adultery.
3. Use separation to fix your marriage alone – if you are separated, wipe your tears and learn how marriage separation can be the golden gate to getting back together – to a better marriage than it ever was.
How to save your marriage during separation.
How to Love Him Back Into Your Marriage
Your husband has chosen the immature cop-out and no longer wants to fight for your marriage.
But you haven’t.
You want to salvage your marriage, but how can you do it without him on board?
You CAN “love your husband back to your marriage”, but it requires that you KNOW the right steps to take if you wish to make that happen.
I highly recommend signing up for this free marriage help to get you started with healing your marriage. You don’t need your husband to start the change.
Or read all about the Lone Ranger track in the amazing Marriage Fitness Program.
You just need YOU.
As always I urge you not to wait. Act now, before it’s too late.
Rooting for ya,
Lisa
Hi I and my husband have been married for 7 years together for 9 and I’ve made him so mad and I have been so wrong for disrespecting him and shooting down his manhood because I got mad because I can’t get over the fact that he had cheated on me it made me feel like I was worthless and not worthy of his love or affection or even his time. I’ve pushed him away for seven years because of it and now that I’m going to lose him I can’t stand it. I finally realize that everything that he is, is exactly what I want I don’t want anyone else ever. He has a friend who he started talking to and they haven’t said or done anything out of the wrong but he has fallen in love with her and I’m trying to give my all in this to at least try to get him back but I don’t know if what I’m doing will help. I know that putting my heart into it now is what I should have always done but I was too foolish and childish to realize it I just want him to come back to me.
My husband and I have been married for almost 4 yrs and we have been together for 9 yrs. he told me last week that he doesn’t want to be married anymore. He was one never to want marriage or kids when we met. With time this happened and we have a 3 yr old. Now he basically does not want to salvage the marriage and he wants to live his life as life is passing him by. He wants to co-parent.
I am so confused because we still live in the same house and our relationship has changed overnight.
Part of me wants him to go live his life and part of me wants to really salvage our marriage.
He basically said he is not living the life he wants to live.
I have been married for almost one year to my husband and together for one year too. He left me a few days ago but he says that he cant forgive me for cheating on him and mistreating him during our 1st year dating but I got better and started to be more of a wife to him but he was mean to me for 6 months and cheated on me too and tried to leave plenty of times but I always talked him out of leaving and trying to save our family . But now he doesnt want to talk to me or try to save our marriage he says he is done but i love him so much and want to fix our family plz help.
I don’t seeing any replies to your comment. I am curious, we’re you able to reconcile? I certainly hope so! Please let us know.
I have been married 13 years. We have had hard times before. I believe my husband has a chemical imbalance or may be bipolar. I left once before we had kids. It’s the only way I could get him to admit he had a problem. He took meds for a year and life was great! However he thought the need made him “fuzzy” for work and went off them.
Whenever there are multiple stressors going on espically financial he has these episodes. Where he is very angry and disrespectful towards me. Emotionaly abusive at times. We recently got into a fight, because he started smoking again after 10 years not smoking. I have super bad allergies, so it makes me sick. He will lie about it. He also projects EVERYTHING he does onto me. During this argument he spit on me! He has not apologized or shown any remorse! In fact he acts like I am to blame for everything. We had Hurricane Irma, then he has things going on at work which is the perfect storm for him to flip out! He has told me to leave in the heat of arguing. We have a Guest House which I could move into. I feel like I need to draw a line in the sand. I can’t act like this didn’t happen. I don’t want to upset my kids by moving to the GH but I am so discussed with his disrespectful behavior. My 6 year old has even started to mimic some of it which is heartbreaking! I want to save our marriage, but more then anything I want him to treat me with respect again. He honestly thinks he is the victim in his mind. I know he feels I don’t appreciate things, but it’s hard to show appreaction when you are being called names and disrespected! I don’t know where to go from here! I need to wake him up, and make him realize he will loose me if his behavior doesn’t change…. but I don’t know how to do that!!?!
My husband said he wanted out of our marriage. We talked and he said he didnt love me anymore. He said he is only staying with me because I wont accept the fact that we are over. Fast forward, 4 months later, he is still staying with me but he doesnt seem to care for me anymore. I want to hold onto our marriage but it feels like he doesnt want to anymore. There are days that we talk about random stuff, there are days that we dont talk at all. I feel like he is still attracted to me because I sense how he looks at me. We do have sex, its the only time i can hug him, especially when I miss him. But it just feels that he doesnt care for me anymore. Sometimes, i want to tell him to go because its no use having him around and feels like im not his wife, bit most of the time, I still hope and pray that we will reconcile. Any advice? Am I doing the wrong thing by hanging onto him?
I don’t think you are doing anything wrong. You obviously love him and that’s your motivation to stay in this situation. I would actually stop being intimate with him and see how that affects him.
I agree. Also, start focusing on yourself. Just forget about him for a few weeks and do your own thing and truly be happy and enjoy yourself! You shouldn’t spend time worrying about him anyway because he can sense it and it pushes him farther away. Changing your way of thinking will open his eyes because he will see a dramatic change in you and it will pique his interest. Basically, stop chasing him and truly let go of him in your heart and be okay with it. Go out and have fun (without cheating and still be respectful as to let him know your plans etc). I guarantee you he will make a complete 180 super fast’! It was working for me for a while but then I messed up and started chasing him again. I’m gearing up to doing it again for my own mental health since these relationships are truly toxic. So let go of the pain and the hurt and look toward a future that truly can be amazing, just pursue it without him. In the back of your mind, I know you are attempting to save your marriage so it’s a slippery slope but he will know if you’re really happy doing these things or have an agenda. So let him go to get him back. Please let me know how it turns out!
My husband recently decided he wanted to get separated than it escalated to a divorce. We have been together for 6 years married 3 years. We have been through lots from me being hospitalized and us living apart for a 1year. We have been having arguments which I think it’s kind of normal but recently he distanced himself and our arguments just got worse. Now he said he is tiered and he wants out, but he still loves me and cares about me but he isn’t in love apparently. I want to save our marriage I think he is confused and he isn’t emotionally strong enough to fight through this. I agreed to move out and give us some space, he hasn’t told anybody and nothing changed much we still talk on a daily basis. I see thing very different now that i know I could loose him, before we took each-other granted. I am just wondering if he would change his mind about the divorce and give us one more try. I know he loves me and I know he is suffering too what would be the best thing for me to do?
I think that what you’re doing is exactly right, and you seem to follow your instincts, which is always good. Separation can sometimes be the best thing to happen to a troubled marriage, and can be used to save it. Here’s how to use separation to save your marriage.
My husband and I have been together for 12 years married for 7 he’s my high school sweetheart we both lost our virginity to each other i thought one day we could have a 3 sum with my bestfriend and i would be the coolest wife ever well that back fired and it’s been eating at me ever since I tried talking to him about how i felt but he would tell me to be quit men would write me on messanger and I responded because i felt hopeless not beautiful my self esteem was gone everything we got In a huge fight and i left and went to my friends house ( which is a guy) i didn’t sleep with him i slept in the living room with my kids he has two kids as well which are friends with my kids my husband met him and everything was great he forgave me for staying the night at his house well I took the kids to the park and this guy kissed me and told me my husband was cheating on me with his co worker which is his cousin that i should tell my husband that i slept with someone so he could say “ well I’ve been sleeping with someone as well” but he didn’t he flipped out and left my kids and I high and dry so this month has been crazy he cane over today and took almost everything in the house leaving me with everything to pay which I don’t have a job because he never wanted me to have one wanted me to be a stay at home mother so I did now I’m lost I want him back because he’s all I’ve ever know but come to find out he’s dating my ex bestfriend she has 4 kids and I just want my little family back is there any hope left?
Hi! I want to save our marriage but it seems impossible. My husband and i always argue every single day, im so tired of it. We have these arguments wherein we shout at each other and he will physically hurt me so i’ll hurt him back and the cycle goes on and on. Before our marriage he does not hurt me. He tends to have outburts of anger and il respond on the same manner. He wont talk to me, he’ll only be nice if he wants sex and will return to his old self aftr that. We have a 1 yr old baby boy and i dont want him to grow up with a broken fam. Please help. What should i do?
my husband shows no interest in sex, conversation or even the slightest bit of intimacy with me. I have started to bitterly resent him which of course causes complete disharmony in the home as I am just so hurt and angry all the time.
I have tried to talk to him about his lack of interest in me – sexually and his lack of interest in me even on the most basic level – day to day conversation. I feel like every time I talk to him I am just “nagging” him – when I ask him about his day or his interactions with people. I feel like he speaks to me as if he is irritated with me.
I just don’t get it. We have talked about this issue constantly over the last three years but nothing changes. He says he knows our relationship has problems, he says he does get irritated with me often, he says he is not interested in sex (but says he still finds me attractive WTF?), he says all these things, acknowledges them but DOES NOTHING about them.
I have thought about leaving him so many times but the one thing that stops me is that he is a wonderful father to my two children. He does his fair share of domestic duties and we work well together doing the mundane boring stuff that comes with life. BUT, he is not my best friend, he does not even speak to me as a friend should have the time and he is so completely uninterested in ME.
What is going on? I dont think he is gay and I dont think he is having an affair with anybody else.
My only guess is that he does not love me anymore (but wont admit it) and for whatever reason is happy to stay in this loveless relationship for some reason which I dont understand
I am guessing that he wants to stay in this currently loveless relationship is the same exact reason you are willing to…right?
He values your family and likes your cooperation with the daily stuff. Just like you.
I believe that love never goes away. It just hides under years of untreated baggage.
I think this post is perfect for your situation, and can help you greatly:
After having a couple of months in which we would fight over nothing and everything, I asked my husband to move out. He asked several time for me to reconsider and I acted out of pride and was very mean to him at times (stupidity on my behalf if you will) I thought that way he was gonna fight for me harder, he ended up moving out 2 months ago.
I know I made a terrible mistake and hurt him very much in the process. I’ve asked him countless times to forgive me and come back but he says he doesn’t love me anymore and doesn’t want to come back to the same environment. I feel he has put up this wall for me to not come through.
What can I do to save my marriage? To prove him the amazing couple we are and can be? We have gone through so much together to give up on our marriage. We’ve been together for 9 years.
Is it too late for us?
Pauline,
No, I don’t think it’s too late for you two.
I think that he is angry and if you stick with it, be his friend and tell him honestly how you feel, his anger will go away and he’ll remove his defenses.
Here’s an article that I think will help you with this process:
https://new.how-to-save-marriage.org/can-separation-save-a-marriage/
Thank you for answering my question. Today things turned even worse,
I felt my heart sink in my stomach. He told me he is going to dinner on Thursday with a girl he met 20 days ago. He says it is not a date and he just wants to meet other people but also told me he doesn’t want to get back anymore.
I don’t know where to go from here
I know it’s painful, but let it be. Let him go on this date. Maybe another one. If you stick with being his friend and not showing him how this makes you feel, he’ll realize his mistake – Sooner or later.
My husband has moved out he has divorce papers ready and is telling me he doesn’t want to save our marriage.
He left because he has his own issues to deal with and thinks they don’t exist if I’m out of the picture as he doesn’t have to be responsible as a single man.
He only contacts me to ask about our children once a week. I respond but don’t initiate any contact.
At the start of our seperation I told him I would do all the work to save our marriage until he is ready but he said I shouldn’t bother as it would be a waste of my time.
We have separated a few times before and he has always come back.
What can I do this time to get him to give our marriage another go?
Sa,
This time you won’t tell him you’ll do all the work. This time you’ll “use” your marriage separation in a wise way, and here’s how:
https://new.how-to-save-marriage.org/can-separation-save-a-marriage/
Let me know what you think, I’m always here.
Well I filed for legal separation, but I don’t know how my wife wants to respond. Have you ever came across couples that agree on the separation? I didn’t have a great career as my wife did
Jamar,
Yes, I have seen couples that have agreed about separating, but it’s rare. Most of the time, one pouse wants out more than the other.
As for your career, if I get it right – The reason for you separating from her is because she has a more successful career?
I hope I’m not upsetting you, but if that’s the only reason I think you may find yourself regretting it in the near future…
Good luck!
separation is a hard way to get back on track (I am no expert) but once you leave it’s easier to just continue the affair it seems because out of sight out of mind.