The 5 Best Marriage Counseling Books (to Help Your Marriage)

Can a marriage counseling book transform your marriage?

Can it a good alternative for a marriage counselor?

In my experience, the answer is YES.

Inspiring and insightful marriage help books can help a troubled marriage and make it better than ever.

The 5 books you’ll find below offer some of the best advice available for couples and make a low-cost alternative to couples therapy.

(For me – this free marriage assessment & email series by Mort Fertel was the best place to start)

Finding the right book can help you solve marital problems, and strengthen your marriage to a state that it hasn’t been in years, perhaps ever.

Here are 5 of my top picks from the last few years, and why I chose them:

The 5 Best Marriage Counseling Books for Couples

If you want to awaken the passion, restore the connection and intimacy in your marriage, getting a book or two would be well worth it.

Here are the best books to help you save your relationship, reviewed and rated:

1.  The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts / Gary Chapman

(208 pages)

Celebrating its 25th anniversary, the Five Love Languages relationship advice book is still a New York bestseller, for 8 years running.

The basis in Dr. Gary Chapman in this practical (yet inspiring) marriage self-help book is that there are 5 love languages, and most of the time you and your spouse “speak” a different one.

This leads to feeling unloved.

I quickly found that my primary love language is “acts of service” and my husband’s one is “physical touch”. Hmmm.

The 5 languages are:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

What you’ll find inside:

What I liked about it

1. The book shows you what things your spouse is really looking for in your relationship, and what YOU want as well. It helps to understand each other better.
2. The stories and examples are interesting and some are inspiring.
3. The book is relatively short (208 pages) and easy to read
4. You can use this approach with other meaningful relationships in your life (parents, in-laws, etc.)
5. The audio version (you can get it here) is great – Dr. Chapman reads the book to you and it feels like he is talking to you in person
6. Clear, practical and tangible advice
7. A great quiz to help you quickly find your love language.

👉 Preview the book on Amazon HERE.

What I didn’t like

1. The author tends to praise himself and include praise from his clients
2. This book seems to be written mainly for Hetero-Christian-monogamous couples only.

2.  Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs / Emerson Eggerichs

(324 pages)

Eggerichs’ book tries to crack the communication code between couples through the biblical understanding of love and respect.

He claims that what your husband mostly needs is unconditional respect, and what a wife needs mainly is unconditional love.

Until I read this marriage communication help book, I never thought that respecting my spouse would make him feel loved, but apparently – it does.

The book and CDs are for anyone in a marital crisis, want to prevent separation and divorce, or just want to stay in a happy and healthy marriage.

(And don’t forget to check out the workbook too)

What you’ll get inside:

What I liked about it

1. Clear and spiritually based marriage education – written as if you were talking to the author at your kitchen table.
2. Helps understand both your needs from each other.
3. Sparks interesting conversations with your spouse and friends.

👉 Preview first chapters on Amazon

What I didn’t like

1. The theory may not be true for all married couples. Maybe you need more respect while he needs more unconditional love?
2. Questions are repetitive

3. The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book / Don Miguel Ruiz

(210 pages)

I loved Don Miguel Ruiz’s “The four agreements“. It has changed my life and started me on a spiritual journey lasting to this day.

That’s why I had to read “The Mastery of Love”.

Ruiz uses insightful stories to bring his messages to us:

• Fear-based beliefs undermine our love for each other and lead to unnecessary and destructive drama in our relationship
• We must restore playfulness in your relationships (here’s the quickest way to spark up your marriage)
• How the war of control ruins us
• Why we should look to love ourselves and stop hunting for love in others.
• Why we should forgive ourselves and others

Here’s what you’ll find inside:

I loved this book so much that I’ve bought it for all my close friends and family (starting with my parents…)

What I liked about it

1. Good lessons and powerful, life-changing messages
2. Reminded me that self-love comes first and everything else follows
3. Learning how to process the baggage we all carry
4. Simply written, yet no clichéd

👉 Preview the book on Amazon

What I didn’t like

• The language used may not be relatable to everyone – he uses a lot of Toltec-related concepts

4. The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God / Timothy & Kathy Keller

(352 pages)

This religious marriage counseling book by Timothy Keller is based on his sermon series and explains why most marriages are in trouble, and to rescue them.

He shares a lot of his own experience from his marriage to Kathy, his wife of 37 years and counting.

It seems like he wrote this book to give you his vision of what marriage was designed to be from the bible – from the first marriage of Adam and Eve to the last marriage of Christ and the church.

Here’s what you’ll get inside:

What I liked about it

1. Very readable, encouraging and practical commentary
2. Refreshing discussion on sex
3. Builds a great case for marriage
4. His marriage provides ample illustrations that are both helpful and funny

👉 Preview the book on Amazon

What I didn’t like

• Seems to be limited to a strictly Christian audience

5. The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships / John Gottman

(336 pages)

Gottman has already written many books to help marriages mend and grow stronger, but I found “The Relationship Cure” to be the best one in 2018.

(I also enjoyed his first book that I read – “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child“).

It is wonderfully clear and offers tangible facts and tools to build a better relationship.

It is packed with fascinating questionnaires and exercises, that’ll secure its place on your shelf for years to come.

Gottman suggests that relationships are built from bids for connection – anything from requesting help, to touching.

The spouse can react to these bids in 3 different ways:

• Turning toward the bid
• Turning away from the bid
• Turning against the bid

👉 Read parts of the book for free HERE.

What I liked about it

1. Great exercises and questionnaires
2. Stories are simple and easy to read
3. The author has studied married couples for years – and it shows

What I didn’t like

• The print is too small for me; it makes the content a bit difficult to read.

Conclusion

You’ve just found the 5 top-rated marriage help books of all time (up to 2018 that is), and what I liked and disliked about each one.

I truly believe that even reading just one book can open your eyes, expand your consciousness and change your entire perspective – thus changing your relationship for the better.

(Check out more than 30 tips to instantly improve your marriage – HERE)

I also recommend that you check out my Marriage Fitness Review. For me, it was a life-changing alternative to marriage counseling.

What’s the best marriage book you’ve read so far? Don’t keep it to yourself…share with our community in the comments below.

Rooting for ya,

Lisa