I was so happy the day I married my husband.
We were all sparkling eyes and loving hearts. We swore to be together forever and we meant it.
Cut to 11 years later. We hardly ever talk or see each other. Silent anger is between us all the time. We never spend family time together.
I am always suspicious that he is cheating, he always complains and nothing I do is good enough. My children notice this and seem so sad.
When Things Look Hopeless
Things look hopeless and divorce is definitely lurking around. How could this have happened to us? What did I do wrong? Who is to blame? How can I save my marriage from divorce?
As these questions took hold of my thoughts and depression slowly took over me, I decided not to give up. I started looking for help because I knew we can’t survive this marriage crisis alone.
After a long search and many mistakes (sometimes due to questionable advice online), I finally found the last relationship advice I’ll ever need.
Implementing the exact steps given to me in this program has saved my marriage.
I’m sharing a few of the best tips I’ve gotten from Mort Fertel in this post – I hope they help you too.
3 Unpopular Ways to Save a Marriage From Divorce
I want to share 3 effective ways to save your marriage. I hope it helps you as it did me:
1. Stop Asking
The most common mistake we make is to look for what went wrong and how to fix it. Why can’t we get things right again? why can’t we get back to the way we used to be? Why did he cheat on me?
Focusing on the weak spots in your marriage is completely normal, we all do that instinctively. But focusing on the bad things…makes things worse. It will only make you feel despaired
So, what’s the uncommon way to deal with this?
1. Focus on the positive aspects of your marriage. Take a trip down memory lane: try to remember happy times, and loving moments that you shared together.
Look at pictures of you on a trip together, smiling and touching. Look at your wedding photos and let the memories flood your mind. Enjoy them.
Here’s a compelling reason to stop trying to solve your marriage problems.
2. Remember why he became your best friend. Is he the only one that knows your deepest fear because he’s the only one you’ve shared it with? Does he have the same sense of humor as you?
Write down all the qualities of your spouse and your marriage. This will remind you of the foundation of your marriage and how you can be happy together again.
2. Cool The Fire
When your marriage is in crisis, anger becomes your companion. How many times have you experienced feeling boiled over in rage over something your spouse said or did?
How many times have you responded angrily at how irresponsibly he has behaved?
Feeling angry is understandable, and venting your anger can even strengthen your communication. But acting angry will only make things worse and cause more problems than you started out with.
And, ultimatums make things even worse than that.
So, what’s the uncommon way to deal with this?
1. Identify your anger point – identify the point when you start to get angry. That point exists and if you stop and think for a second – you will find it.
Now – consciously decide to respond without anger. Express your feelings. Start with “I am angry because I feel…” instead of “I am angry because YOU…”
2. Change your approach – before telling him off, remind yourself that you are talking to your best friend, not your enemy. Only then start talking.
3. The Critical Ingredient In Saving Your Marriage
The critical ingredient in how to save a marriage from divorce is… getting HELP.
You can’t do this alone and you can’t do this with only your spouse and some random advice from your girlfriends. You need professional help (but not the classic marriage counseling way)
You don’t even have to run and schedule your first marriage counseling session right now.
Follow the free advice in the link above, step by baby step, and I’m sure that before long, you’ll wake up in the morning and discover you are still married and your relationship is better than it ever was.
Saving your marriage from divorce is in your hands. Be smart, not right. Start now, not later. One step at a time.
You can do it.
Before You Go…
See my post about what to do when your husband wants a divorce. If you are already separated, here’s how to save a marriage during separation (yes, it’s possible!)
Rooting for ya,
Really infatuated with the books. My question is I really like the how to save a marriage from divorce however I also like the rebuilding with the separation part of the website. My question is what would be a good start???
Back story.. im the one who wants to leave my husband but your right all my anger and resentment is clouding the love and will. I want a divorce to end the horrible chapter. He and I have talked but I know deep down I love him still I just dont know how to forgive and let go of the anger resentments and trust him and trust myself. I really like all 4 books im just wondering where I should start.
Lisa Penn says
I think you should start with “rebuilding the love”.
You can find it here:
Good luck and all the best to you!:)
Shon Hyneman (@1DrLo says
Powerful steps on how to save your marriage. This artice is much needed with the divorce rate being as high as it is. Another step I found effective is to look at old pictures together and talk about what happened during those times. It sparks good conversation.