Did you ever imagine that someday you will wake up next to a man who seems to hate you?
Your husband. Who used to be so in love with you. Who used to be your best friend.
Do you sometimes feel like you don’t even know who this guy is?
Maybe he is just cold, distant and uninterested. Maybe he even got emotionally and verbally abusive.
“My husband hates me“, you think to yourself. His love is lost forever.
Yet, he doesn’t leave. He stays at home this leaves you in a constantly stressed, feeling invisible, hurt and most of all –alone.
My Husband Hates Me: What Should I Do?
If we do a reality check for a second, here are the 3 choices we have in this situation:
1. Give up and accept that your marriage is over. Focus all your energy on becoming financially independent and plan the day you (and your children?) will start a new life without him.
(But what if you can’t support yourself and your children on your own? What if you don’t want your children to suffer from your divorce?)
The best way to change your husband’s mind about divorce
2. Wait and hope that this will blow over with time – he hates you? Maybe that will change with time. Time heals everything, right? You’ll just hide in the corner and wait for this marriage crisis to blow over.
(But how long can you survive this stress? How long can you take it before it makes you ill?)
3. Break down his walls and save your marriage – it may be hard, but trying to solve this, at least once, leaves you with little to lose and much to gain.
If you’re up for option #3, this guide is for you.
Why Does My Husband Hate Me?
Have you ever thought that the way you communicate with him contributes to the breakdown in your relationship?
Don’t get angry at me, I’m not blaming you for anything. No way.
I’m not saying you are not doing probably everything around the house and getting no appreciation for it.
I’m not saying you haven’t tried countless times to communicate with him nicely to get him to open up, only to have your opinions and intellect discounted.
Here’s what to do when your husband gets angry over small things and is always irritated with you.
I know.
But now is not the time to analyze, accuse and focus on who is right. Now’s the time to take action and change the way you communicate, because we can safely say that it’s not working.
“We all have a way we communicate with others, and it determines how people treat us. If you want to get your man’s positive attention, you first need to understand the different communication styles so you can make a change to improve your interactions.”
The four communication styles are: passive, aggressive, passive‐aggressive, and assertive.
Of the four styles, assertive is the winner.
Why?
Because:
- He always knows where he stands with you (unlike “passive” where he never knows what you want because you won’t say)
- He has respect for you because you can calmly and firmly state your position (unlike aggressive where you yell, intimidate or are otherwise threatening)
- He’s never confused (unlike passive‐aggressive in which you say one thing but mean another…).
Your First and Emergency Step is Becoming Assertive.
Being assertive means standing up for yourself but in a respectful way. The next time you speak with your husband, speak from the heart and clearly state what you mean or want.
For example:
If he has again chosen to go out with his friends instead of spending time with you, you may normally react by yelling, hanging up on him, or storming out of the room… or maybe just withdrawing.
Instead, calmly state:
“I am disappointed. I have been looking forward to spending the evening with you for a while. Do you think you could make time for us to go to a movie? And a dinner maybe?”
I think you’ll be amazed by how much he’ll be more likely to compromise – or may even decide that he can forego a night out with his friends.
This is your chance to start dating your husband again. Just go out and have fun, like you used to.
Of course, this will not be enough. It’s just one step and a little peace in the puzzle of melting your man’s heart.
Knowing what and how men think, if the way you communicate with him is wrong, and understanding why he reacts the way he does – are all critical things if you want to turn a husband who “hates you” into a husband who adores you.
( How to save a marriage when only one is trying)
And don’t believe anyone who tells you it’s too late. Not even him.
Your husband’s love and respect are hiding under a rock right now. Learn how to push the rock off of him and you’ll be astonished by what you find.
Rooting for ya,
Lisa
P.S
As always, I highly recommend taking this free marriage advice
My spouse and I have been together almost 8 years. We got pregnant with our first daughter 3months after meeting. I was really young and he was fun. He wasn’t working. It took 2 years to get him to get a job. He has now kept that job for 5 years and We have 3 kids. He’s never asked me to marry him. He is angry pretty much all day. Anything I say or do isn’t enough. He screams at me over everything, curses and demeans me on a daily basis. I ask him to stop in front of the kids and he won’t. I’m scared my kids will think it’s okay. We dont sleep in the same room. We dont go on dates. He didnt do anything for my graduation, 30th bday or mothers day which all occured this month. I love him but I’m so depressed. I don’t want my kids to be bounced back and forth. I don’t want to go through a custody battle and financially 3 little kids are expensive on one income. I just don’t know if you can save a relationship like this.
I understand.
Obviously I don’t know the whole story and it has probably become like this gradually. Here’s a post that I think will help you, just recently published it: https://how-to-save-marriage.org/husband-always-irritated/
I’m divorced now.
It’s lonely.
I’m overloaded with work.
I’ve been taken to the cleaners financially.
My kids wonder why their mother won’t call them or visit them.
… but:
No one torments me any more about how horrible a father I was to our deceased daughter.
I’m no longer living with an emotionless stone.
I don’t have to worry that any word I say will trigger an explosion. I don’t have to hide any more.
***
If you get to the point where your husband is avoiding you or you feel he hates you, get marriage counseling, especially if you feel that talking to him won’t do a thing. And if he asks for marriage counseling, go. Otherwise, he’ll start thinking that you don’t care.
I have been married to my husband for 9 years. Last year I caught him cheating on me and even though it never became physical (because I found out) he insists he did not cheat on me however the way he spoke to the other women was the most hurtful as he called her the most loving and affectionate names which in 9 years of my marriage he’s hardly ever called me. Since he ended his affair he was extremely helpful and actually had very meaningful conversations with me, always concerned about how I was dealing with the affair and my emotions but only for a few months. Thereafter all that I had confided in him was thrown back in my face and I was made a mockery off. I forgave him after the affair and have been understanding and supportive towards him. But recently he looks at me and treats me with disgust. There is no respect or love towards me. I wish I could make him feel an ounce of the pain he made me feel when he betrayed me. I love him very much but I cannot go on like this.
Hi Lisa,
I tried to defend myself but it got nowhere! He stills hurts me even though he knows how I feel. Then he ridicules and laughs behind my back..and tells me to shut up if I say anything to him.
I can’t leave him. I have nowhere to go. My parents won’t accept me back in their house. Sad to say, my parents want me to work things out with my abusive husband. My mother takes my husband’s side. My mum says to me that its my fault that I’m getting physically abused. She said that I’m probably not cooking good food or I’m saying the wrong things, or I’m not smart enough that’s why I’m getting hit…My mother blames me for not being a good wife!
Dee,
Again, I’m sorry you have to go through this.
If your mother says these things to her, she has some serious issues on her own. She reflects it upon you.
Maybe she is also in a not-very-happy marriage?
Don’t take it personally. She is talking to herself. Not you.
As for not having any where to go, you don’t have to go anywhere. Your house belongs to both of you and you don’t have to leave. You have legal right and you should look them up.
There are always possibilities. Always.
Don’t give up, and don’t agree to keep going like this.
Just my opion, I hope I could help you more.
Lisa
My husband move in with his sisters sister inlaw after i kicked him out for drug use. They sleep in different rooms and he pays her a little bit for rent but he has no accountability. They never slept together or dated. Its so awkward to take my son over there. I lied and said its his gma. My husband is 50 btw and im 28. He rufused to leave this womans house bc it took comfy of a situation. He left when at the pharmacy at walmart hen i tried to get him meds and walked home. By the time i got there he was tucked in bed asleep. She had given him her meds so he made a statement that she took care of him. Made me sick. He took me out of town for a romantic weekend befire this but said he couldnt sleep with me unless he had drugs and booze. My heart is breaking into a million pieces. I told him its over and i blocked his number but i dont understand what i did wrong. He says everyone praises him but me. Well its hard to praise someone when they scare u half to death by bringing drugs around. I dont get it….
My husband and I, have been married for 3yrs. And in those 3yrs he has emotionally, verbally, mentally, and physically abused me. Just recently we had a fight it got heated that I had to call my parents. Since the fight, my husband and I are sleeping in different rooms.
I feel that my husband doesn’t love, appreciate, respect me as his wife. He treats as I’m his maid..! It hurts.
When we go visit his family in Durban. My mother-in law and sis-in law influence my husband. They deliberately separate my husband from me just to hurt my feelings. My husband disrespect, screams and shouts at me in front of his family. My mother-in law treats my husband as if he is a single man. My sis-in law gossips about me with my husband.
Please I need help! Why does my husband treat me like this. :'(
Dee,
At this point, if your husband abuses you emotionally and physically (!!) I’d say he treats you like this because you let him.
I know it may upset you, but it’s still the truth.
You shouldn’t stay with a man that physically abuses you, and treats you like this,
I don’t understand…why don’t you leave him?
Ive been with my husband for 5 years now we have two beautiful daughters. My problem with h is communication. I talk with assertiveness and he takes it as a threat. Our issue is that he wants to move to a state far away from family. I have always wanted to be close to family. He is withdrawn from his own. He says that friends are more important when I think my children should know there grandparents and cousins and I want to see my sisters and my parents or some kind of family. We lived for 3 years in his home state and not once have we seen his family. My children have never known there grandparents because he wouldnt let me invite them. He says his mom is stupid and he hates his father. He hates my sisters because he feels like they try and tell him what to do. When in reality they are only trying to give him advise. He hasnt held a job for more than a year since we have been married. Even now he sits at home with the kids while I work to keep the roof over our heads. I understamd that we can’t afford daycare and that he needs to be home but I would appreciate it if he would clean up give the kids baths and stop playing video games. I know this all sounds bad but I don’t know if I should stay for the kids or move on. I love him but I can’t handle the stress anymore or the fights where he calls me a child and tells me to shut up. I wish sometimes that he would grow up. Though who amd I to tell him what to do I have no right in his mind to make any desision in this family.
Christen,
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.
Your husband has some personal issues that he doesn’t want to deal withand that’s why he brushes you off when you try to talk to him.
I ususally don’t recommend this, but I think that maybe the only way to get him off his butt and change his life (which is cimpletely stuck right now) is to maybe try separating.
Separating can be that positive kick people need to make them do something.
Since you are already considering this, I would say that yes, it’s probably a good idea. Tell him that he is free to move to another state, but it’s going to be without you and the girls.
You shouldn’t have to separate yourself and your kids from you family, who are probably a great comfort to you with you hard daily life.
If he wants to move, he can move, If he refuses to go without you, tell him you need a break and you can’t go on like this, and tell him like you mean it.
He obviously needs a bigger push than another useless conversation.
This is just my opinion and I hope it helps…I admire you for supporting your family through working and doing essentially everything else while handling the stress from his behaviour.
You are a strong woman, and I really think you deserve better.
My marriage is towards the end!!
I have been married for five years now and my husband has been very neglectful. I have tried expressing how much iI like spending time with him or how hurt I am that he acts this way. Recently his brother told him that everyone in his family talk about how disrespectful i am and how I treat him like crap. Now he wants to divorce me BC of what his brother said. i try eexplaining tohim that his neglect was as painful as my harsh words.but we have a baby and need to try to work on it. All he can say is that the marriage was a mistake and he wants out.I agree that we have had our problems but iI am not ready to leave.I still have feelings and I think the embarrassment of what his brother said has made him so ddisgusted with me that he is forgetting that he loved me and tried to get married asap.how can love like that disappear.help!
I think you’re right, your husband’s love is covered under embarrassment, anger and frustration. You seem to have the common communication problems that so many marriages suffer from, and yes, men are more sensitive to respect and ego issues than woman.
In fact, a recent survey found that men think of love and respect as the same thing. And when asked, they said that they would prefer being alone and unloved that disrespected.
But this doesn’t mean that this whole thing is your fault. You just didn’t know, like most of us, how to communicate your feelings of neglect in a way that will get through to him (as opposed to making him withdraw and shut down even more).
This article will show you how to fix that, and if you start today, this moment, I’m sure you’ll be on the right way to saving your marriage:
https://how-to-save-marriage.org/communication-problems-in-marriage/
My husband and I for the past year have fought constantly . We have terrible screaming arguments and it is happening in front of our 4 boys more often . Today we fought again so bad and he was telling me to shut up in front of the kids when I was begging him to please stop . He almost seems like he will get violent . I’m so upset it’s never going to get better and afraid for my boys they are now seeing us this way more often now . Having my husband telling me to shut up in front of my boys is not setting a good example of respect for me . I don’t want them to treat any women with disrespect like that . Please help !
Hi Rosanna,
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this crisis in your marriage. Any marriage has fights, but most of us don’t know how to fight unfortunately. When we are angry it’s extremely hard to control ourselves and that’s probably why your husband can’t seem to do that, he is that angry.
If it’s going on like this for a year now, something serious has to be done to solve it.
To me is teems that you have a communication problem. You don’t know how to express your frustration and difficulty without a heated argument and yes, the children suffer from this.
This is a post about how to communicate with your husband, I think that if you try to implement the advice over there, you’ll see a dramatic change in your marriage. And I really hope it helps:
https://how-to-save-marriage.org/communication-problems-in-marriage/
I believe my husband stopped loving me a little before i gave birth to our child. He never makes an effort to be with me, I’ve explained to him many times how i felt. he always says that he understands and will make an effort but he has become more and more distant. He sleeps in on days that we could be together, he is always busy doing things for himself. HE is pushing me away and i keep expressing my feelings calmly to him but it doesnt seem to help. My heart is broken. I feel like he just wants me there but not to love on. Like an old couple.
I know it may sound weird to you, but have you tried using texting to spark back the romance in your marriage?
See my post about it, you may be surprised: https://how-to-save-marriage.org/ways-to-spark-a-relationship/
Gladys, so why do you accept his behaviour towards you?
I work with an international bank. I dont depend on for anything. I live with him in his house that is the only benefit.
This should help:)
https://how-to-save-marriage.org/how-can-i-get-my-husband-to-love-me-again/
My husband insults me with words like stupid fool in public. He goes out with women. He doesn’t give me money not even my hospital bills. All wants from me is to cook, wash and iron for him. We with his relations who steal and disrespect me but nothing comes from him. I am not happy. Help!
I’m guessing that you haven’t left him because you are dependent on him financially?
If you are stuck in a bad marriage, this is what to do (in my opinion):
https://how-to-save-marriage.org/my-husband-doesnt-appreciate-me/
I too am always told by my husband of 16 years that he hates me. He calls me fat and says to look at myself because he deserves much better. We have 5 kids i do not work and he constantly says to leave his house. It is his house because of my credit i has to sign away all rights to put my name on the title. I did it because it was the only way to get a house.
I will advice you to hand everything into the hands of God, you have to be prayerful if not for anything, for the sake of your children, don’t in anyway cosidering divorce because it is not the answer. In every relationship, one have to act like a fool for peace to rain. Remeber, you are not a lone. Always put God first in everthing you do. Do not give ear to what he says in regards to name calling. I do not know your religion, but if you are a christian, make your bible your companion. Things will be fine one day. Remain bless.
What Bullocks.
Right. You didn’t actually fall for that crap did you? He’d better wake up quick. You are a mama to 5 of his kids which means you haven’t been able to work. I don’t know what state you are in but there is NONE that won’t put this guy in the POOR house if y’all divorce. That house is as much yours as his. Marriage is a partnership whether he likes it or not. The law is on YOUR side as a mom of 5. Your job has been extremely important to your family. Your name on the deed means absolutely nothing except to the bank for the loan. That house is a marriage asset period. Don’t be bullied. Get the facts. You’ll sleep better at night!
I am very sorry that you have to go through all these. It is very difficult and very painful to over look. No woman want to be tolerated in her marriage, every woman wants to be appreciated, despite of any condition. lots of people will advise you to divorce him or send him packing, but all these are not always the right choice or the right solution. I will honestly advice you to hang in there and continue to be a good wife you always be. Nothing last for ever. He may be enjoying whatever action he is putting out there, but eventually, he will come back to his right mind. I always tell people do not try to fight your battle, in attempt to fight it, you might lose it and give your opponent the chance to succeed. But when you let God to fight on your behalf he will definitely give you victory. The reason why I do not support women to leave or divorce their husbands is because, there is no perfect husband out there. You have to be strong and prayerful if you are a Christian and what belong to you will definitely look for you. mark it some where, one day your husband will get tired of all these behaviors and turn to you. If you are a Christian, join any Christian fellowship and try to be listening to the words of God it will encourage and lift you. Do not complain to him again about his behaviors towards you, always keep silence, and try as much as possible to over look all those things and watch him one day, he will ask himself a question and you will see the turn around. Take heart. May God be with you.
Aaa, break up!!!???
What can do I get my husband to love me again.